A letter to my 93-year old mother.......

who will always be 53. 

Dear Mom,

Happy Birthday!   I feel like I should send you a birthday card saying that I finally caught up with you age-wise....being that I'm 53 and all.   I never knew how young 53 was....until I became 53 myself.

Hopefully, you don't mind that I'm contacting you via cyberspace as opposed using my usual Heaven Channel.   I just thought you might get a kick out of  something a little different today being that it's your birthday and all.  And, I figured now that your firstborn grandson (who, as you know, has your beautiful eyes) has become a DOCTOR, you might be expecting to be exposed to a little more technology.  So, before you start whipping up those high balls and whiskey sours and eating that lemon meringue pie for your celebration, I just wanted to drop by and warn you that I'll be thinking of you today! Although I think of you everyday....today I will think about you once an hour as opposed to every other hour.   Hopefully, my every-other-hour Happy Birthday wishes and big bundles of blowing kisses don't  interrupt  your party too much. You can turn me off if you really need a break.  I can only imagine how much earthbound banter will be making it's way to your heavenly home today!  Your darling daughters will be sending you wishes, your dear Frank will be doing novinas all day and your two earthbound sisters will be breaking in with their own comments. There might also be a few nieces and nephews as well.   So, get ready for a pretty noisy day! 

Considering that you are an angel and all, I am pretty sure that what I tell you in my Heaven Channel rants, you already know.  It's hard to come up with things to tell you when you're up there seeing all.  I'm just pretty thankful that I don't get to hear all your commentary....because I'm sure you have  a lot to say about the goings on down here in Judiland.  Perhaps that's why I am in no rush to get to Heaven myself.....I am not sure if I want to hear all the things you have been keeping to yourself these past 40 years.    In any case....while I'm hanging out here in Judiland,  I hope you know that I appreciate the fact that you listen and don't use your angel powers to throw huge boulders in my path or slap me silly when I need a good slapping.  And, even though I would love to see you again, I have to thank you for not appearing to me at the foot of my bed in the middle of the night to give me a lecture. That would be a little bit startling.  I might have needed therapy for that one. So, I guess what I am saying is that  you've been a good Angel Mother all these years.  Even though I know you are always here with me--every step of the way--and even though I know you probably wanted to wipe my tears a million times and bop me in the head a few million more, I am grateful that you let me find my way as a motherless daughter. As always---even as you hang out in clouds---you seem to do the right thing.  You've always been a wonderful  mother--here on earth and there in heaven.  As a mater of fact, I'm pretty sure I've done a good job with those two amazing grandchildren of yours because of you---what you taught me during my short years with you and what you left me with when you had to go are what I relied on all these years. It's all worked out.....even when I thought it never would.   

It's funny but after you went to Heaven, I never thought I'd ever smile or be happy again.  But, you know what? I was wrong.  The gift of life you gave me is precious and it would be a complete tragedy if I would have disrespected the gift  by being cranky and unhappy forever.  Life goes on, mom. It has to. Wonderful things happen even after darkness and pain. And, trust me, there is no deeper darkness or pain than losing your mother--at any age...especially as a child. But, I am sure you knew that we would be okay when you had to leave a husband and  three little girls who needed you.  You knew we'd all be okay. And, once again, you were right. Dad found his way and his way back and then his way again and then his way back.   Your three little girls have hung together no matter what. We have never left each others side.  In fact, there are some folks who call us thicker than thieves  (we are). We have not gotten into too much trouble along the way.  But, I can assure you that if one of us got into trouble--the others where right there getting us out of trouble.  And, we gave you 6 amazing grandchildren---each of them with their own gifts and talents. And, those 6 amazing grandchildren know who you are!    Oh, and we are still very attentive to your remaining sisters---they won't let us not be, trust me---they both have phones. And, we were loving and attentive to your good friends as well as you sisters and brothers before they joined you in heaven...we sure hope they told you how good we were!   And..for the record.... I make sure I represent you  at funeral homes that I know you would go to.  My sisters aren't into the funeral home thing but don't worry, Mom, I go (yes, I am telling on my sisters!).  And, we take care of Dad.  He's a good guy.  We finally figured out why you married him.  There's not a day that goes by that he doesn't mention your name to us.  He prays a lot.   We still feel bad that he bought a cemetery plot next to his third wife instead of laying  to rest with you and his parents and his brother.  But, we figure that your name on the grave stone is in good company---you always liked the Irish.  And, we like the fact that your gravestone faces your mom and dad and sister...who reside beyond the Virgin Mary statue....
Oh, and,  I'm not fat anymore....which I am sure you are pretty thrilled about.  So, all in all, I guess things have worked out pretty much okay.  Even though  I wish I could see your face smiling with pride because everything worked out pretty much okay.  

So, even though I could go on and on about things you already know about, I'm going to try to end it here.  You know I love you and miss you and wish you were here for the past 40 years and you know that I married a good Italian boy and that we had great kids and that your grandson has your eyes and he is a doctor and that your granddaughter has your name and that she is gorgeous and that she  loves to sew like you and that I can make a mean meatball but that I a lousy housekeeper by your standards and that I lost over 100 pounds and I like wine and martinis.  So, there's nothing I can't tell you that you don't know.  But, there's something I can tell my blog readers who may be feeling the loss of a parent or loved one......life goes on and you will smile again....you owe them that much. 

Happy Birthday Mom!

xoxox
Your  daughter.....who is the same age as you!
Judith Ann