Where's my Daisy Dukes?

I am sure they were burned 3 decades ago!   

Way back in November, at our annual Turkey Fry, after a few of us had enjoyed a bit of wine,  my sisters, a few of our girl cousins and I  decided we were going to see Kenny Chesney when he came to town this summer.  Oh, we had a ball talking about what we would wear (cowboy hats and boots, short, short cut off jeans and belly shirts!) and  what we would do (start partying at noon, embarrass our children and show up at their tail gate parties and dance in the aisles).   So, when January came around and the tickets went on sale, my sister decided she was going to buy the tickets and we were going to make good on our mildly drunken decision and go to the Kenny Chesney concert.
Well, guess what?
It's tomorrow night.

Lock up your children!
Draw the shades! 
Save yourselves!
It might not be pretty.....

SNIP, SNIP! YOU are FAT!

Yeah, rock on.....

What the hell am I talking about now?


Let me set the scene....

*An absolutely gorgeous early summer night at a lovely venue.  
*An outdoor concert--Paul Rodgers
*Amazing seats---directly in the middle, in the second section, "on the floor"
*The audience was filled with 50-somethings like us---people who appreciated some good rock and who wanted to let the music take us back to those years before kids and careers and retirement accounts.


Like I said--we had great seats.  Because we were "on the floor", our seats were of the folding chair variety.  To keep things orderly, the chairs were tightly tethered together with plastic bands.   As soon as we sat down, it appeared to me that the seats were way too close for comfort.   But, considering they were attached to each other, there was not much that could be done.  However, it occurred to me that the spacing would not accommodate a larger person.   Yes, I always think of those things.....
As we sat in our row, bantering with other concert goers, people were getting to their seats and going off to get beers and wine or snacks.   The couple in front of us were cuddling, enjoying their libations and popcorn and the beautiful night.  As people moved about, the couple thoughtfully moved when needed so that people could get past.   Then, a few minutes before the start of the concert, a very large woman and her friend entered the row---sitting next to the cuddling couple.  From the second they sat down, it was clear that the arrangement would not do.  The couple tried to move around to get comfortable but because of  the spacing, it was  impossible.   After a few tries, the man decided to get up and fetch the usher for help.   Moments later, a thin, attractive female usher entered the row--snapping her scissors and ordering everyone--beginning with the larger woman--to move out of the row.  She announced that she was going to snip all the plastic bands so that "everyone could fit". 
With the concert starting in just a few moments--no one was very happy to be displaced from their seats or distracted from what was going to be happening on the stage in just a few moments.  It was quite a production of people moving into the already crowded aisles and the usher snipping each chair and moving them so that everyone could fit.  I couldn't help but feel uncomfortable.  To me--it was a clear announcement that there was a fat woman in the row.  It was obvious that her size was what caused everyone to have to move and be disgruntled.
My heart ached.
 I'm not sure if there's anyone to really blame--except for maybe the venue--they crammed as many high priced seats as they could into the area.  They never even gave it a thought that it would be difficult for a larger person to fit comfortably!  Of course, I don't blame the man who went to get the usher---we all paid quite a bit for those seats so I get it.  And, I don't blame the larger woman--she had no idea the seats would be so closely tethered together that she would cause discomfort to others.  I will say that I think the usher acted insensitive in how she approached the row--with her scissors "snipping" and saying that she had to make room for everyone to fit.   She definitely drew attention to the situation.  She could have done it more discreetly.  Perhaps she was just trying to appear light and humorous.  I doubt it was humorous to the larger woman.  I'm guessing the usher was so immersed in the project that she didn't even realize the impact.  As it was going on, I watched the larger woman--wondering what she thought, how she felt.  Did she even know?   Yes, I'm sure she did.  I kept wondering what I would have done if it were me.  Five years ago--it could have been me.  Would I be so outraged that I would say something to the usher?  Would I have sat in shame the rest of the night?  Would I have left immediately?  Would I need someone or something to blame?  Would I never go back to a concert--even though I love them?  Would I cry?  Would I silently sit in prayer--asking God to help me to finally lose weight?  Would I be filled with anger and rage? 
I will never know those answers because I never had to endure a situation like that.
But, I could have! 


Why do overweight people have to suffer such indignities? 
It just makes me sad that at a concert where the music was wonderful and the experience was one to cherish---it was diminished for this woman.
I hope the rock soothed her soul. 

Speaking of politics.....

we were talking politics....weren't we?
or maybe we were talking cocktails.....
 Whatever.....

You can count on me!!!

Is it only Wednesday?

Why didn't I think of this?

Lapband for the mind!

Sometimes you come upon the right words at the right time.
And, all of a sudden---things become so crystal clear that you find yourself wondering why in the hell you didn't think of that.  It would have solved so many problems.... 
The other day as I perused one of my favorite online sites, I came upon this little ditty.  
It was as if I was hit with a rocket.  All of a sudden, I realized that this mindset is the perfect companion piece to my Lapband.  It's exactly what I need....
As I know I have shared many times before---I may not be a dieting girl or a fat girl anymore but that doesn't mean that my dieting and fat girl behavior is no longer a part of me.  Somehow it always manages to kick in when I'm feeling out of control with either a certain food or with portions or with my eating habits. 
I start getting all diety and fatty.   
After many many years of believing that there were bad foods and good foods and that if I ate the bad foods, I was bad---it's so very hard to negate that thinking. And, when I find my control slipping--it's so easy to fall into those wacked-out patterns!
Seeing those words in that little black box and digesting just what it was saying was a true epiphany for me.  The truth of the matter is that we have to stop thinking that we can't have something before we can learn to have it and enjoy it the way we deserve to enjoy it.  Case in point---tortilla chips with gooey cheese dip. Love. Love. Love.  If I believe I can have it then I know that it will always be in my life but if I believe that I can't have it, I am frightened of it going away from my life!  So, if I think I might have to someday banish tortilla chips with gooey cheese dip from my world---I better eat a bag and a vat pronto!  But, if I believe I can have it and it will always be available to me--I know there will always be chips and cheese dip tomorrow.  
Are you following me or am I just bat crazy?


 

You didn't put my picture on the side of a wine box, did you?

If so, I know a few people who will be out there looking for me RIGHT ABOUT NOW.....


But, no need to worry.....I've been located.....by the paparazzi....hanging out at the ABC tent.....my wine box friends can now go back to their carefree wine drinking. 

Actually, this is me hanging out at the site of the Jerry Sandusky trial.....I'm such a news stalker....

Is it Thursday already?
Yes, I suppose it is.
I swear, it just crept up on me. 
I couldn't even tell you what happened between the moment I hit "publish" on my last blog post and right this moment.  
What I will tell you is....
* 10 of my 12 visiting pounds have disappeared.  Before you go applauding me for being such a good bander, I have to admit that some of those pounds went away without a whole hell of alot of effort on my part.  Although we took a wonderful, celebratory road trip 2 weekends ago that was filled with lots of wine toasts  and a few happy, happy martinis and an absolutely amazing dinner at a wonderful rustic old mill, since then   I haven't had much of a chance to eat anything more than 3 quick meals a day.  By quick I mean---3 very small meals---with breakfast always being my beloved Bolthouse Farms Vanilla Chai protein drink.  I had no time for much else. No time also meant that there was no time for all that mindless eating that I was doing. In addition to having no time to eat--I've had no time to shop for food to eat! Hard as it is to believe----I haven't stepped foot in a grocery store (not even my beloved Trader Joe's) in over two weeks.  That cuts down on available food within arms reach at all hours of the day and night.   Sure,  I've indulged in a few Hershey kisses and some wine and a martini or two and even a Dairy Queen Peanutbutter Sundae.  But, even with those luxurious indulgences, I was able to do it.   So, the morale of the story goes something like this---in order to maintain weight loss, you don't have to starve and you can still enjoy treats as long as you don't overdo it.  Now, let's see if I can keep that in mind as I head into four solid days that are filled with lots and lots of temptation....
*Along with zapping 10 pounds, I also zapped some hair.   Yes, I finally got the nerve to cut my hair.  I mean....really cut my hair.  I've been contemplating it for a few weeks now.  So, last night, after I finished doing what I need to do, I took the plunge.  Armed with lots of pictures and a big dose of courage, I visited my sister the hairdresser after her shop's normal business hours and I told her to just do it.  First, we had to banish those pesky grey hairs.  Then, I held my breath, crossed my fingers and said "make me look like Kris Kardashian."  Even though I doubt that I would be mistaken for Kris, I think I like it.  As for everyone else--the jury is still out.  Of the two people who have actually seen it so far--it's been 50/50.  My sister--the hairdresser--gave it a thumbs up. My daughter didn't exactly give me the reaction that I would have hoped for---especially since she is such a reality TV junkie.  She said "wow, I am going to have to get used to it."  Not exactly the "I thought you were Kris Kardashian there for a second" that I was hoping for.  Perhaps when I see my husband he will think I'm Kris (if he even knows who she is).  I'll have to see what my coworkers have to say.....

 Happy Thursday and Happy Summer! 
I'm off to enjoy me some SUMMER......
I hope you will be doing the same!!!

Proceed to summer......

Take that grill cover off, pour yourself a summer cocktail and get the weekend started......!\

IT'S FRIDAY!

Here's a menu I threw together a few weeks ago that screams SUMMER!!!!!! 

It's been tested and it passed with FLYING COLORS and STARS AND STRIPES AND FIREWORKS!  You heard it here! 

 Strawberry Basil Lemonade
The perfect Summer-Friday-At-The-Grill drink.....

• 1 can of Minute Maid Pink Lemonade or your favorite lemonade
• Gin (measured out one can)
• 1 lb of strawberries
• 1 lemon, sliced
• 1 small handful of basil, optional
• Ice as needed

 Prepare Minute Maid Lemonade--1 can of concentrate and  3 1/3 cans of water,one can of gin, stirred together. Blend  washed and sliced strawberries in a blender or food processor. Finely chop basil and add it to the mix. Stir strawberry mixture and lemon slices into the gin lemonade. Add lots of ice and enjoy!

Guac!
Add your favorite chips..... this recipe rocks!  Nibble on this while you hang out at the grill! 

• 3 Haas avocados, halved, seeded and peeled
• 1 lime, juiced
• 1/2 teaspoon kosher salt
• 1/2 teaspoon ground cumin
• 1/2 teaspoon cayenne
• 1/2 medium onion, diced
• 2 Roma tomatoes, seeded and diced
• 1 tablespoon chopped cilantro
• 1 clove garlic, minced

In a large bowl place the scooped avocado pulp and lime juice, toss to coat. Drain, and reserve the lime juice, after all of the avocados have been coated. Using a potato masher add the salt, cumin, and cayenne and mash. Then, fold in the onions, tomatoes, cilantro, and garlic. Add 1 tablespoon of the reserved lime juice. Let sit at room temperature for 1 hour and then serve.

 Grilled Marinated Shrimp
If you can't be at the ocean.....at least you can taste it!

• 3 cloves garlic, minced
• 1/3 cup olive oil
• 1/4 cup tomato sauce
• 2 tablespoons red wine vinegar
• 2 tablespoons chopped fresh basil
• 1/2 teaspoon salt
• 1/4 teaspoon cayenne pepper
• 2 pounds fresh shrimp, peeled and deveined
• skewers   

In a large bowl, stir together the garlic, olive oil, tomato sauce, and red wine vinegar. Season with basil, salt, and cayenne pepper. Add shrimp to the bowl, and stir until evenly coated. Cover, and refrigerate for 30 minutes to 1 hour, stirring once or twice.
Preheat grill for medium heat. Thread shrimp onto skewers, piercing once near the tail and once near the head. Discard marinade. Lightly oil grill grate. Cook shrimp on preheated grill for 2 to 3 minutes per side, or until opaque.

Grilled Portabella Parmesean
This is like.....aaaamazing....

• 6 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil
• 3 tablespoons balsamic vinegar
• 1 large garlic clove, pressed
• 6 large portobello mushrooms, stemmed, gills scraped out
• 1 cup whole-milk ricotta cheese
• 1/2 cup plus 6 tablespoons finely grated Parmesan cheese
• 3 tablespoons chopped fresh basil, divided
• 6 1/3-inch-thick heirloom tomato slices (from 2 very large tomatoes)
• 7 to 8 ounces Fontina cheese, thinly sliced

Prepare barbecue (medium-high heat). Whisk extra-virgin olive oil, balsamic vinegar, and pressed garlic clove in small bowl. Season dressing to taste with salt and pepper. Arrange portobello mushrooms on rimmed baking sheet, gill side up. Sprinkle with salt and pepper. Spoon generous tablespoon dressing into each mushroom; swirl to coat. Stir ricotta cheese, 1/2 cup Parmesan cheese, and 2 tablespoons chopped fresh basil in small bowl to blend. Season to taste with salt and pepper. Arrange tomato slices on plate; sprinkle with salt and pepper.Place mushrooms on grill, gill side down. Grill until edges begin to soften, 3 to 5 minutes, depending on thickness of mushrooms. Transfer mushrooms to same baking sheet, gill side up. Nestle 1 tomato slice into each mushroom. Divide ricotta cheese mixture atop sliced tomatoes, spreading to cover, about 3 tablespoons per mushroom. Top with Fontina cheese slices, dividing equally. Sprinkle 1 tablespoon Parmesan cheese over each. Carefully return mushrooms to grill. Cover barbecue and cook until mushrooms are soft and cheese is melted, about 5 minutes. Sprinkle remaining chopped fresh basil over. Place mushrooms on plates. Drizzle remaining dressing around mushrooms and serve.

Balsamic-Glazed Grilled Peaches with Feta
OMG!  This is just a heavenly way to end a summer BBQ night....

• 4 peaches
• 1/2 cup honey
• 1/8 cup balsamic vinegar
• 1/4 cup crumbled feta cheese

1. Halve peaches and remove pit.
2. Mix honey and balsamic together well.
3. Place peaches cut side down on heated grill.
4. Grill until starting to turn tender and nice grill marks appear.
5. Turn over.
6. Brush top liberally with honey-balsamic glaze.
7. Continue grilling until peaches are tender. Brushing with more glaze if desired.
8. Immediately add crumbled feta to center of peaches.
9. Serve warm.

ENJOY!!!!!

La-di-da......

di-da-di-da.  

Last night, as I was sitting on my porch contemplating life and what I was going to make for dinner, I found my mind drifting to places that I really wished I wouldn't have.
 Where did my mind go, you ask? Well, it went to schedules and plans and all the things that  need to happen in Judiland over the next few weeks.  Even worse--when I started to come to grips with the fact that I am not ready for any of it, I began to shudder.    
 I can't tell you the enormous panic that passed through my being.  
But, instead of running for the hills, I decided that I would quietly sit and contemplate how I was going to make it all happen.  It was not a behavior I was used to.   However, after I bared my soul here on my blog the other day about my remedial maintenance skills, I decided enough is enough. 
It was clear to me that I had to find a way to not have so much panic in my life.
 I decided that even if I never get the hang of doing maintenance very well, I could at least spend the time to think through the things that need done and make an effort to figure out how to get it all done.  So, that's what I did.  
This morning, with my list in hand, I am going to start checking off things. 
What's my first order of business?  Get a cleaning service to come to my house to do a major, major cleaning in every damn nook and cranny.   
Then, I'm calling a landscaper and a handyman.
After that, I'm making all of my hair, pedicure and tanning appointments.
Then, I'm making my Lapband appointment.
When that's all done, I'm putting in my order at the liquor store. 

The best tool to get everything done in Judiland......my phone. 

A letter to my 93-year old mother.......

who will always be 53. 

Dear Mom,

Happy Birthday!   I feel like I should send you a birthday card saying that I finally caught up with you age-wise....being that I'm 53 and all.   I never knew how young 53 was....until I became 53 myself.

Hopefully, you don't mind that I'm contacting you via cyberspace as opposed using my usual Heaven Channel.   I just thought you might get a kick out of  something a little different today being that it's your birthday and all.  And, I figured now that your firstborn grandson (who, as you know, has your beautiful eyes) has become a DOCTOR, you might be expecting to be exposed to a little more technology.  So, before you start whipping up those high balls and whiskey sours and eating that lemon meringue pie for your celebration, I just wanted to drop by and warn you that I'll be thinking of you today! Although I think of you everyday....today I will think about you once an hour as opposed to every other hour.   Hopefully, my every-other-hour Happy Birthday wishes and big bundles of blowing kisses don't  interrupt  your party too much. You can turn me off if you really need a break.  I can only imagine how much earthbound banter will be making it's way to your heavenly home today!  Your darling daughters will be sending you wishes, your dear Frank will be doing novinas all day and your two earthbound sisters will be breaking in with their own comments. There might also be a few nieces and nephews as well.   So, get ready for a pretty noisy day! 

Considering that you are an angel and all, I am pretty sure that what I tell you in my Heaven Channel rants, you already know.  It's hard to come up with things to tell you when you're up there seeing all.  I'm just pretty thankful that I don't get to hear all your commentary....because I'm sure you have  a lot to say about the goings on down here in Judiland.  Perhaps that's why I am in no rush to get to Heaven myself.....I am not sure if I want to hear all the things you have been keeping to yourself these past 40 years.    In any case....while I'm hanging out here in Judiland,  I hope you know that I appreciate the fact that you listen and don't use your angel powers to throw huge boulders in my path or slap me silly when I need a good slapping.  And, even though I would love to see you again, I have to thank you for not appearing to me at the foot of my bed in the middle of the night to give me a lecture. That would be a little bit startling.  I might have needed therapy for that one. So, I guess what I am saying is that  you've been a good Angel Mother all these years.  Even though I know you are always here with me--every step of the way--and even though I know you probably wanted to wipe my tears a million times and bop me in the head a few million more, I am grateful that you let me find my way as a motherless daughter. As always---even as you hang out in clouds---you seem to do the right thing.  You've always been a wonderful  mother--here on earth and there in heaven.  As a mater of fact, I'm pretty sure I've done a good job with those two amazing grandchildren of yours because of you---what you taught me during my short years with you and what you left me with when you had to go are what I relied on all these years. It's all worked out.....even when I thought it never would.   

It's funny but after you went to Heaven, I never thought I'd ever smile or be happy again.  But, you know what? I was wrong.  The gift of life you gave me is precious and it would be a complete tragedy if I would have disrespected the gift  by being cranky and unhappy forever.  Life goes on, mom. It has to. Wonderful things happen even after darkness and pain. And, trust me, there is no deeper darkness or pain than losing your mother--at any age...especially as a child. But, I am sure you knew that we would be okay when you had to leave a husband and  three little girls who needed you.  You knew we'd all be okay. And, once again, you were right. Dad found his way and his way back and then his way again and then his way back.   Your three little girls have hung together no matter what. We have never left each others side.  In fact, there are some folks who call us thicker than thieves  (we are). We have not gotten into too much trouble along the way.  But, I can assure you that if one of us got into trouble--the others where right there getting us out of trouble.  And, we gave you 6 amazing grandchildren---each of them with their own gifts and talents. And, those 6 amazing grandchildren know who you are!    Oh, and we are still very attentive to your remaining sisters---they won't let us not be, trust me---they both have phones. And, we were loving and attentive to your good friends as well as you sisters and brothers before they joined you in heaven...we sure hope they told you how good we were!   And..for the record.... I make sure I represent you  at funeral homes that I know you would go to.  My sisters aren't into the funeral home thing but don't worry, Mom, I go (yes, I am telling on my sisters!).  And, we take care of Dad.  He's a good guy.  We finally figured out why you married him.  There's not a day that goes by that he doesn't mention your name to us.  He prays a lot.   We still feel bad that he bought a cemetery plot next to his third wife instead of laying  to rest with you and his parents and his brother.  But, we figure that your name on the grave stone is in good company---you always liked the Irish.  And, we like the fact that your gravestone faces your mom and dad and sister...who reside beyond the Virgin Mary statue....
Oh, and,  I'm not fat anymore....which I am sure you are pretty thrilled about.  So, all in all, I guess things have worked out pretty much okay.  Even though  I wish I could see your face smiling with pride because everything worked out pretty much okay.  

So, even though I could go on and on about things you already know about, I'm going to try to end it here.  You know I love you and miss you and wish you were here for the past 40 years and you know that I married a good Italian boy and that we had great kids and that your grandson has your eyes and he is a doctor and that your granddaughter has your name and that she is gorgeous and that she  loves to sew like you and that I can make a mean meatball but that I a lousy housekeeper by your standards and that I lost over 100 pounds and I like wine and martinis.  So, there's nothing I can't tell you that you don't know.  But, there's something I can tell my blog readers who may be feeling the loss of a parent or loved one......life goes on and you will smile again....you owe them that much. 

Happy Birthday Mom!

xoxox
Your  daughter.....who is the same age as you!
Judith Ann

Maintenance.....

I'm going to let you in on a little secret.......I don't think I'm very good at maintenance.
I'm not just talking about weight maintenance.  
I am saying that I am not good at any type of maintenance. 
Take my car for instance---I am never on time for my oil changes or any of those upkeep things that they say you must to do maintain your vehicle.   Usually, I wait until something breaks or I need the car inspected and then I'm frantically dialing the mechanic.  When the mechanic tells me that this whole thing could have been avoided if I would have this or that.....I promise that next time I will do what I need to do so this doesn't happen again. 
Same thing goes with most things that we are supposed to maintain--like teeth and cast iron skillets.
I go to the dentist when my tooth is throbbing and I just ignore my cast iron skillet.   As I sit in the dentist's chair listening to the drill boring into my head, I solemnly swear that I will never be in that position again....I'll go to the dentist twice a year.  As for the cast iron skillet---I never swore I'd maintain it.  I knew there would be other skillets. 
My remedial maintenance skills revelation came to me a few weeks back when I was searching through a pile of summer sandals that somehow ended up in a huge pile in my closet.  I never found the pair that I was looking for.  Well, I found one of the sandals but God knows where the hell the other one was hiding.  My huge walk in closet was in a shambles....strewn with bags and boxes and clothes and hangers and yes....shoes.
Just 5 months ago, this same closet was a thing of beauty.  In a fit of trying to be more mature and grown-up, I had taken two solid days to clean out the whole damn thing---from top to bottom.   And, when I finished the back-breaking job, I vowed to maintain it's beauty by doing what I needed to do to keep it as organized and lovely as that very day.
Fast forward to my sandal fiasco and it appears I broke my vow.
Now, I suppose I could analyze my maintenance deficiency to death.  Or, I could just say what's really on my mind---maintenance is inconvenient.  That's the bottom line.  I guess I should be ashamed to admit to it but I'm not.  Well, sometimes I am.  And, sometimes I get angry with myself for not putting in little bits of time so that I'm not left with a huge problem to deal with.  But, I'm so used to this behavior that I just come to expect it.  It's not like I don't know I will have to pay the piper---I realize it.  But, to be honest---I don't think about how much I will have to pay the piper or when I will have to pay the piper.  It's not-so-smart behavior for a smart woman of 53. 
It's just like when I stray from my weight maintenance lifestyle.  I know that I should not eat that second piece of that wonderful raspberry cream cake but I do it and then I follow it up with a few chips and some nacho dip.  Then I'm pissed that my dress is too tight.   Then, I vow to stop all this mindless eating and get back on the wagon. 
Do you see a pattern here?

It was a party and there was cake......

The DOCTOR is in......

This past weekend, we quietly, without tons of fanfare (but with lots of love and fun), celebrated a true milestone in our family's life.....our humble and funny and extremely talented son fulfilled a life long dream....he can now be called Dr.  
Funny thing, even though he did all the hard work and at times the isolating and all-consuming work for all of these years, he did not see this accomplishment as anything more than just another day in his world.  The immense joy and pride of seeing our son be rewarded for the things that he thinks are ordinary yet we know are extraordinary is a special thing.   The fact that he cautioned us early on that this was not going to a big party or a scream-from-the-rooftops kind of event made us realize just the kind of man we raised.   He is not the kind of guy who needs or wants a huge fuss made over him.  He doesn't think a PhD is a big deal and he certainly doesn't think he is any better or smarter than any other person on this planet.  He sees himself as the same kid as he was last week, last year and 10 years before that.  Even if his mother sees him as the same kid with a PhD.
Yet, we needed to celebrate.....
Well, to be more precise-- Carmen and I needed to celebrate.  So, we celebrated parenthood.  Regardless of all of  our son's smarts and with everything he has accomplished, we wanted to pat ourselves on the back for raising two phenomenal kids. Don't get me wrong--we are as proud as can be of what our boy has done and we are excited that he has reached this goal and we can't wait to see what he does next and where he goes and how he impacts the world.  But, listen, it's not everyday your kid becomes a DOCTOR.  And, not everyone can be blessed with a son so humble and down-to-earth that he doesn't even know how special he really is.  Must have been his upbringing.
So.....we celebrated.....with our children.  

The Doctor's parents......

 

The truth hurts......

THE DRESS didn't fit.

Well, it fit..... I could get it on.
And, it zipped without too much wiggling. 

But, once it was on and zipped.....it cried out for SPANX!
Now, lest anyone thinks I am anti-SPANX......let me set the record straight.
I LOVE SPANX.
But, sweeties, this dress was a  dress that easily glided over my body just 10 months ago.
Not even my newly airbrushed bronzed body helped.  
So, there I was--faced with a conundrum---

Do I succumb to the higher power of SPANX and go on my way?

OR

Do I throw that damn dress on the floor and then fling myself on the bed in a drama-ridden hissy fit?

Well, after the hissy fit and a few head-bangings on the headboard.....
I chose another dress.

I have to confess that I'm not proud of my behavior.
I mean.....I had years of throwing myself on the bed in frustration over something not fitting.
I was sure those days were over.
And, just when I got a little too comfortable with never having to stress over wardrobe misfortunes again---it happened.  
Once again, I found myself laying in a heap on my bed spiraling into my fat girl behavior. 
It was not a good feeling. 
And, it set the tone for the rest of the day. 
All day long.
Finally, when I hit evening rush hour traffic and I had a bit of time to reflect on the punishment I handed myself  for the past 12 hours, I began to think a little more rationally.
First of all---the fact that I've gained a few pounds is no secret.
They were pounds that I deserved---late night cookie raids, a little too much mindless eating, too many chips, chocolate treats in the middle of the day and overdoing it on the band friendly foods.
However, the good news is that I have managed to knock off a few of those visiting pounds over the past few weeks by returning to my Lapband lifestyle.  Granted, I have not been 100% perfect but I never set out to be perfect nor do I believe---in my heart of hearts--that I want to be.  Perfection is not my style. 
Secondly, the fact that this weight has went directly to my weak-spot---my belly---should be no surprise to me.  My stomach has always been the depository for my weight.   I come by it very honestly--my dad and my paternal grandmother gave me that gift at birth.   Some people get their mother's thighs or their grandfather's bubble but.  I got the belly. 
And, thirdly---did I somehow forget that I'm 53?
From what I hear--midsection rolls and belly flab are the curse of my age. 
As I sat in traffic and pondered these realities--it occurred to me that even though throwing myself on my bed and banging my head on the headboard and beating myself up over a dress not fitting all day were definitely throw-back-fat-girl behaviors, I was not anywhere near the girl that I was a mere 5 years ago. 
First of all--- the dress did zip.  I just didn't like the way it looked.  And, I was able to go to my closet and pull out another dress that fit just fine.
5 years ago---I would have tried on another 10 dresses--with none of them fitting me. By not fitting me--I mean that the zipper would have NOT went up. I would have had to wrap myself in some black stretchy fashion disgrace in order to get out of the door. 
And, last but not least---today I have my Lapband.
 I know what it's like to feel empowered by it and to feel good about how I look and  I know what it feels like not to let food and diets rule my life. 
Five years ago, I didn't feel any of that.
Five years ago, 10 dresses didn't fit---and even if they did--I would not have been happy with how they looked!
Five years ago, I had over 100 pounds to lose.
Yes, five years ago, I was FIVE years younger.
But,  since I can't stop the clock from ticking, I might as well make the most of the ticking.

Let's face it---the truth of the matter is--the dress did fit.
My standards are just a little higher these days. 
I'm five years older and 100+ pounds lighter......I expect more. 

The truth is hurting less.  

Happy Friday!

It's ROAD TRIP TIME!  
PhDland......here I come!
We'll chat again on Monday!

I graduated......

from spray tans to airbrush tanning.......

Yes, I went from standing in a booth naked while a computer gives me directions on how to pose properly as a machine sprays me to standing in a tent-like thing in a thong and a tube top while an airbrush artist sprays me and tells me about her latest break-up....


Oh and speaking of graduating......I am the mother of a DOCTOR. 

I got the perfect tan and I'm heading to PhDland to celebrate.
A perfect tan is worth celebrating......8-)
Martinis all around!!!

Obesity and the City.......

The Mayor of New York City is taking on childhood obesity.
Good for him.
He's starting with sodas.
I guess everyone has to start somewhere.....

For an interesting look at the sides of the issue---check out this article..... 


No matter how you feel about Mayor Bloomberg's ban on big sodas, the fact that he is focusing national attention and instigating discussion on the issue of obesity are good things.   The fact that he actually considers it his job to deal with the issue of childhood obesity shows a whole different side to politics.  A good side. 

It's no secret that obesity is a true epidemic.  And, sadly, childhood obesity is more than an epidemic--it's an open gaping wound that needs healing. 
Besides the all-important health issues---there are the heartbreaking issues of self image, bullying, depression and isolation.  No child should have to suffer these life-altering tragedies. 
Thankfully, as a child, I did not have to deal with obesity.  I was spared the albatross of excess weight well into adulthood.  Sure, there were moments when I thought I was fat.
I was wrong.  
 Looking back--I was not fat until years beyond my childhood. 
I had many good years of normal weight.  I was one of the lucky ones. 
Sure, I knew childhood obesity. 
Childhood obesity has a name--FAT.  
I have memories of fat kids.  Fat kids at school.  Fat kids in my neighborhood. Fat kids in my family.  Fat kids at the pool.  Fat kids everywhere. 
In the 60's and 70's--that's just what they were--FAT KIDS.  
There was the jolly fat kid.  The funny fat  kid.  The fat bully kid.  The fat quiet kid. The fat bookworm kid.   The fat ugly kid. The fat clumsy kid.  The fat stupid kid.  The sloppy fat kid. The weird fat kid.  The fat fat kid.  
Today, as I type these words, I cringe in shame. 
Being a kid is hard enough.  
My lucky not-fat childhood  didn't teach me that being a fat kid was super hard. 
I'm guessing that many kids of this generation don't get it either.
Thankfully, someone of influence is getting it.
The Mayor of New York is tackling those things that he has the power to tackle.
And, he is starting small.  
He's looking to take a Big Gulp out of one of the things that is known to contribute to obesity--oversized sugary sodas.  
Sure, it's raising lots of debate.
As to be expected.  
Everyone is entitled to their opinions.
People have to guard their businesses and their rights and their desires. 
Everyone has a different stance on how far government should be involved in our lives.
And, everyone has a completely different view on what obesity is and how to deal with it---is it a medical issue or an environmental issue?
Regardless of which it is--we all know that if you consistently eat or drink far too many calories and overdo it on fats and sugars---your weight and your health will be effected. 
Sugars and fats impact us---whether we inherited the obesity gene or we have a medical condition that causes obesity or we were raised in an environment that triggered our obesity. 
I, for one, know that by just eliminating big drinks won't stop childhood obesity.  
There's more to blame  that just those BIG DRINKS! 
I have long held to the belief that if fast foods were significantly more expensive (no more $1 burger deals!) and harder to get (DRIVE THRUS!) and healthy foods were very inexpensive to buy and very easy and convenient to access, it would have an impact on lowering the obesity rate.
These are the easy things, I recognize that. 
I realize that poor eating habits and overeating in childhood can be traced back to many, many factors that legislation may never be able to tackle.  I certainly understand that.  
But, I think we need to give Mayor Bloomberg some credit and a round of applause for taking the time and putting himself out there on an issue that seems a bit petty yet explosive! 
Sure, I'd rather have government and leaders spend more time dealing with crime and other atrocities such as drug addiction and sexual abuse than on engaging in hours and hours of law writing and rhetoric on oversized drinks.    
Even so---the fact that people are sitting up and taking notice is possibly bringing this country one eensy beensy step closer to really dealing with and possibly curing obesity.

New Yorkers:  if you are really that thirsty, drink water.   
(yes, I know, I sound like your mother......)

Just in case......

No, I'm not MIA.  

Not this time.

But, just in case.....I am giving you  my permission. 

You heard it here.  

Teaching an old dog some new tricks.......

At the age of 53 and after 30+ years on the job, I'm not too thrilled when the word TRAINING appears in my email.
Mandatory training I dislike the most.
You see, at this point of my life and my career, I consider myself trained quite enough, thank you.  
There are even times when I am pretty certain I am untrainable.   There might even be documented evidence of that.
Evidently, there are times when the powers-to-be say that I just gotta get trained......no matter what the situation is--whether I'm overtrained or untrainable or just plain not willing to be trained anymore.  
In this most recent case, I was told that if I ever want to figure out how to use our newly adopted online calendar (gee, what was wrong with the old calendar?)in order to do what I do, I gotta get my ass to training. Exchange Calendar training to be exact. 
Calendars really aren't all that exciting to me--to be honest.  Usually they are just filled with meetings, meetings and more meetings.  At least in my work life. 
I suppose there some good things about calendars---like vacation days and time out for pedicures and happy hours.
Even so....I heemed and haaed and girated and stomped my feet and made a few whines and whimpers and did my best to avoid it all.  And, I was doing pretty good....so far. 
Several weeks ago, when the mandatory training email came out, I didn't bother to open it. Hey, I'm a busy girl....I don't have time to read emails about things I don't want to do. 
I figured I'd just duck the training and somehow figure it out on my own.  Baptism by fire, I decided. Fly by the seat of my pants was going to be my method of doing what I needed to do.  And, if things got really bad  and I didn't know what the hell I was doing, I'd just start yelling across the hall to my coworkers and they would come and save me. 
Yeah, well.....my plan wasn't going to work.
I got another email.....of the or else variety. 
As much as  I tried to escape the inevitable, I was found out.  They knew the only way to get me to go was to either threaten me with bodily harm or worse. 
I was very concerned that the worse meant that they might take away the heater in my office that keeps my sandaled and well pedicured toes cozy.  A girl has gotta wear sandals in the summer....even if her office is 10 below zero.  
So, I opened the original email. 
Clearly, the powers-to-be don't know me too well.
All they had to tell me was that my friend Chris from Banded in the Burgh was going to do the training and they would have had me at HELLO. 
Like I said the other day---Lapbanders--they are are everywhere.
I'm going to training today.  Happily. 

Train me, Chris. 
 It's June.....I need to schedule a pedicure very soon.