Follow me.......





Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Dear Onion Ring: You left me feeling dirty......

and cheap and easy.
And, it didn't even feel good.
It felt even worse afterwards.
Okay, sure, there was that fleeting moment--when you first touched my lips....it was good.
By the the time you entered me the second time,  things began to get nasty. 
Then, when I felt your grimminess on my belly, on my hips and on my thighs....my naughty-but-fun visions of my clandestine romp at my desk began to feel sordid and ugly. 
Yet, I didn't push you away.
I  just kept on going and going and going, filled with a lust and hunger that I thought only you could fulfill!
What kind of SLUT am I?
You tell me....what does this look like?


Yesterday, being that it was FAT Tuesday and all, I announced to my colleagues that I was going to find something to eat that was evil. 
As others headed to Mardi Gras lunches and made plans for eatathons of favorite foods, I decided that I  would partake in a bit of lunch time gluttony myself----something that is completely out of character for me in the middle of the day!
No soup.  No hummus. No tuna salad or peanut butter on rice cakes.   No yogurt or protein shake.
A little naughtiness was in order.
I was after food naughtiness.....(for the record- drinking during  the work day is frowned upon these days)  
After all, hadn't I just spent the better part of the past six weeks chained to my work?
And, with Lent on the horizon and the weekend days away, it made perfect sense to me.
Evil eating was earned.  
As I descended the staircase, I knew exactly where I was headed.
I was going to seek out those onion rings. 

I wish I could tell you that after the onion ring affair was over, I felt vindicated and happy.
But, that would be lying.
I'm sure part of my eating regret was a result  of my life long dieting girl behavior--eat bad food feel like a bad fat girl when it's all over.  
And, I'm pretty sure my pants weren't really ready to bust at any moment--that's another leftover of my years of equating overeating with immediate gratification  punishment.
To be honest--I just felt sick.
I felt an ugly sickness in the pit of my stomach and I just wanted to go home and lay on the couch in a fetal position.
Which, of course, I couldn't.
I had a meeting to go to....(what else is new?)
Those onion rings haunted me the rest of the day.....and into the night.
Finally, when the misery became too much to bear, I looked in the mirror and took a long hard look at myself. 
 JUDI YOU HAVE COME WAY TO FAR TO LET ONION RINGS DO THIS TO YOU!
So, before I drifted off to sleep-- I made my Lenten promise--
I will not let my lust for a few stolen moments of naughtiness take away what I have rightfully earned----to feel wonderful and energized and in control!!!!

Hello 40 days and 40 nights of getting what I deserve......










1 comment:

Chris said...

Great googly-moogly, that picture!!

But really, isn't that what Mardi Gras is for? Make yourself sick so that giving up whatever doesn't seem so drastic??

That works for about a week for me, then I make myself crazy trying to avoid temptation :)

Speaking of temptation - can't wait until our lunch next week!