It was an itsy, bitsy, teeny, weeny yellow polka dot bikini.....

but it ain't mine.   

And, I'm 200% okay with it not being mine!

Okay, now that we've cleared that up......

Yesterday, I shared that infamous picture of me---a 250 pound woman at the beach....a week before my Lapband surgery in August of 2007.   

Five years ago, I courageously put that absolutely dreadful picture on this blog to introduce myself to you..  

(it was easy to put it on yesterday.....)

Thinking back, I realize that the only way I would have done that five years ago was if I truly believed that the Lapband was going to work for me.   I mean--really--would I have intentionally put that awful picture of me on the internet for all the world to see if I didn't think that the Lapband was going to be the tool to help me finally succeed at losing weight? 

Let's face it, I have been going to the beach for years and each year after seeing pictures of myself, I would vow to go on a diet and return to the beach the following year  wearing a bikini!   Did I put those dreadful pictures from all those other years out there on the internet?  NO! 
Did I ever wear that bikini?  NO! 

And, why not?    That's the million dollar question!  

Maybe I didn't have faith in whatever diet I was going to embark on.  Or, maybe I was so used to going on diets that didn't work that I wasn't about to put yet another failure out there.  

Or, perhaps I wasn't ready to really lose the weight. (gee, I  swear I was always READY to lose weight!)    

Or, was it that the Lapband is the tool that I needed to finally overcome my struggle? 

Although I give most of the credit for my success to my beloved Lapband, I truly believe that there's more to it than that.  I've seen people who have Lapbands who have struggled with losing the weight and/or maintaining their weight loss.  And, I have seen people who have not had even a measurable amount of success from day one. 

What was the magic for me?  

• Did the moon and stars align perfectly?
• Had I hit rock bottom?
• Was it just "my moment in time"?
• Was it my frame of mind?  
• Was it the faith that I had in this tool?   

I can tell you that it wasn't exercise.  If I was going to be completely honest--I didn't (and still don't) have a great work out regimen.  Sure, I walk, walk, walk and I take the stairs instead of the elevator and I do all the "little things" so that I move more.  But, do I do scrunches and lunges and zumba and yoga and aerobics or go to boot camps?  Hell no! How's that for honesty?

Yes, I have always made sure that I keep my band at the right restriction and I do try my hardest to follow most of the band rules and I keep my appointments and I blog and interact with other banders to stay in check.  So, of course, all of that helped.  If I am baring my soul here--I should tell you that even the fact that I did all of that so consistently is amazing to me!   Staying the course for so long doesn't come naturally to me--trust me!   I've got all kinds of examples to prove that!  One look at my trashed walk-in closet that I vowed to keep orderly is a testament to my inability to stay the course....

As I reflect on the gift of this weight loss and wonder why I was blessed with the ability to be successful with this tool,  I am struck by the fact that even 5 years later--I can't exactly pin point what made it work for me!  

How did I get so damn lucky????   Sometimes, that  question keeps me up at night! 

Is it because this time around, my goal was not to get into that bikini?