but it ain't mine.
And, I'm 200% okay with it not being mine!
Okay, now that we've cleared that up......
Yesterday, I shared that infamous picture of me---a 250 pound woman at the beach....a week before my Lapband surgery in August of 2007.
(it was easy to put it on yesterday.....)
Thinking back, I realize that the only way I would have done that five years ago was if I truly believed that the Lapband was going to work for me. I mean--really--would I have intentionally put that awful picture of me on the internet for all the world to see if I didn't think that the Lapband was going to be the tool to help me finally succeed at losing weight?
Let's face it, I have been going to the beach for years and each year after seeing pictures of myself, I would vow to go on a diet and return to the beach the following year wearing a bikini! Did I put those dreadful pictures from all those other years out there on the internet? NO!
Did I ever wear that bikini? NO!
And, why not? That's the million dollar question!
Maybe I didn't have faith in whatever diet I was going to embark on. Or, maybe I was so used to going on diets that didn't work that I wasn't about to put yet another failure out there.
Or, perhaps I wasn't ready to really lose the weight. (gee, I swear I was always READY to lose weight!)
Or, was it that the Lapband is the tool that I needed to finally overcome my struggle?
Although I give most of the credit for my success to my beloved Lapband, I truly believe that there's more to it than that. I've seen people who have Lapbands who have struggled with losing the weight and/or maintaining their weight loss. And, I have seen people who have not had even a measurable amount of success from day one.
What was the magic for me?
- Did the moon and stars align perfectly?
- Had I hit rock bottom?
- Was it just "my moment in time"?
- Was it my frame of mind?
- Was it the faith that I had in this tool?
I can tell you that it wasn't exercise. If I was going to be completely honest--I didn't (and still don't) have a great work out regimen. Sure, I walk, walk, walk and I take the stairs instead of the elevator and I do all the "little things" so that I move more. But, do I do scrunches and lunges and zumba and yoga and aerobics or go to boot camps? Hell no! How's that for honesty?
Yes, I have always made sure that I keep my band at the right restriction and I do try my hardest to follow most of the band rules and I keep my appointments and I blog and interact with other banders to stay in check. So, of course, all of that helped. If I am baring my soul here--I should tell you that even the fact that I did all of that so consistently is amazing to me! Staying the course for so long doesn't come naturally to me--trust me! I've got all kinds of examples to prove that! One look at my trashed walk-in closet that I vowed to keep orderly is a testament to my inability to stay the course....
As I reflect on the gift of this weight loss and wonder why I was blessed with the ability to be successful with this tool, I am struck by the fact that even 5 years later--I can't exactly pin point what made it work for me!
How did I get so damn lucky???? Sometimes, that question keeps me up at night!
Is it because this time around, my goal was not to get into that bikini?