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Monday, August 10, 2009

Welcome to The 2nd Annual Bandiversary Gala! Live from Judiland

Good Evening!
I'm honored to be your host for tonight!
Welcome to the Second Annual Bandiversary Gala!
It promises to be a glitzy, rocking, celeb-packed night of PARTYING!

We're here to celebrate and commemorate and salutate!

Let's get this party started!!!!!!!!!

We're here at the Red Carpet waiting for the guests to arrive! It's a star-studded event folks! All the faces behind the personalities will be here! Soon, this place will be filled with all the glam stars you've come to know and love! From what we hear...we're in for some amazing millinary fashion finds from around the globe! At the moment, the celebs are snaking through the back streets in their limos. I'm sure the wine is flowing and the martinis are shaking! It's a huge night here in Judiland! Let's see what's happening inside......

Yep, that was Bruce gearing up for the big night! Oh, that Bruce! Word on the street is that he flew in on the red eye last night. The Boss and Judi go way back..... BRRRRRUUUUUUUCE!

Hold on, someone is slipping me a note..... Oh my Gosh! I just got word that a very special surprise guest just landed in her private jet just few miles down the road! Who could it be? Don't go away folks, we'll be right back after a word from the folks who got us here....

Yes, that was the commercial that made this all possible!

Alright....I see the first limo pulling up......
Look who it is!
It's the Mayor! Ms. Mayor, you look absolutely stunning tonight! Can you tell me a little bit about your hat?
Why's from a little shop in my kingdom...where I serve as Mayor.
So, Ms. Mayor, what brought you here tonight?
I was invited.
What are you most looking forward to tonight?
I'm pretty sure there's going to be vodka.
Thank you so much Ms. Mayor!
You are very welcome. Now, move aside!!

And, right behind the Mayor, I see another guest.... Oh my gosh, it's Gerry! Gerry! Gerry! Do you have a moment to chat?

Yes, but just a moment!
So, tell us about your's so stylish.
It was a gift from Judi from one of her previous parties. In her pre Lapbanded days, of course. She made us all wear these hats as a gesture of solidarity during a particularly vexing time. I thought it only fitting to wear it here tonight as a show of my support and friendship.
Oh my, Gerry, that is just so touching.
Yes, I'm very thoughtful and giving that way. Plus, I think this hat showcases my hair very well. Don't you?
Yes, I do! It's definitely you! Thank you so much for talking with us tonight! Have fun!
Thank you. I wish I could talk longer but I'm a bit concerned that The Mayor might drink all the vodka! Gotta go!

Oh, and look over there.... It's Jody! Hello Jody! How are you?
I'm great! Frank sends his regards!
Where is the big fella tonight?
Home wrestling with the boys!
Your hat is just gorgeous Jody!
Yes, it is. I know it. Only the best for tonight
So, I hear you are just coming off of an injury! How are you?
Oh, I'm doing okay. I'm a tough bitch from Jersey. Nothing keeps me down too long!
Well, you are looking wonderful. What's your secret?
My Lapband, pino grigio and lots of sex. Not in that order, of course. Can I make a shout out to my man Frank?
Of course...go right ahead!
Hey Frank....I LOVE YA, YOU ROCK MY SOCKS.....!
Well, have fun tonight Jody!
As long as there's PINO, I'm FINO!
You are a hoot girl!

This party is really rocking now! We just chatted with The Mayor, Gerry and Jody--all of them big time celebs here in Judiland!

Ohhhh....and look who it is......gliding down the aisle.....
OH MY HEAVENS! I think she is going to sing......

That was Stevie!

Stevie! Do you have a moment to chat?
Of course! I'm so excited to be here! I even wore a special hat!
What made you fly in for this event? This is just so surprising!
Well, it's an interesting story. I'm not sure if many people know this but Judi thought I wrote Landslide just for her. When I heard about it, naturally, I was touched! So, ever since then I've been working on a song especially for her. Which, of course, I will sing to her in private later this evening. It's called "100".
Wow! That is interesting!
Yes, it is a beautiful song. I hope she likes it. I've been working on it for two years.
Thank you so much for chatting with us Stevie! Have fun tonight!
Oh, I will. There's a certain drummer I want to hook up with to see if she can play back up when I serenade Judi.
I'll be sure to tell the drummer you're looking for her. What does she look like?
She will be wearing a hat.
Wow, that was Stevie Nicks folks!

Alright....look over there!
Who is that?

Oh my Gosh! It's Eileen from the Anger Management Girls!
Eileen! Eileen!
Hi! How are you? You look great!
You look amazing yourself! What a hat Eileen!
Yes, it's really something, isn't it? Honestly, I have to tell you, it was a last minute decision to wear this one. But it really makes a statement about who I am!
It most certainly does! So, tell me...what are you most looking forward to tonight?
Dancing on the tables!
You go girl!
I will! I most certainly will!
That Eileen, she is not angry at all!

Oh my....and look over there.....

It's Lucy from North Carolina!
Straight from her Lapband surgery!
What a woman!
Lucy, how are you?
Oh, I'm swell sweetie!
You look great! How's it going?
Oh, it's fabulous. I'm drinking lots of fun stuff! I sure hope they have good protein margaritas here!
I can't believe you came all the way from North Carolina for this event!
Oh, I wouldn't miss it for the world darling! It's time to shake my booty with Judi!

You go girl!
I will do that! Party on!

And, look who we have here! It's Molly from Texas! Another Lapbander! All the way from Texas! Molly! Molly! Over here!

Hey fine lady! How the hell are ya? I am so happy to be here! I am ready to PARTY!
You look amazing! Lovin' the martini shaker!
Well, I am amazing! Everything in Texas is amazing!
So, what have you been doing since you've been in town?
Shopping for hats, of course! Don't you love this one?
It's simply stunning! A perfect choice!
Yes, we Texans are something else, aren't we?
You sure are! So happy to see you here!
And I'm happier than a coyote drinking a sasparilla to be here!

And, over there....I see someone else coming up the red carpet! Oh, there's a bit of a buzz. Hold on. I have to wait until the crowd clears! Yep, I knew's Professor H!
I sure hope we can get a minute of her time. She looks pretty busy sharing wisdom with the masses over there.... Professor! You look fab tonight!
Yes, I'm wearing my new hat. It's something, ain't it?
Yes, it is! Tell us, what is in store for you tonight?
In celebration of this occasion, I'm presenting a mini shoecational workshop in the lounge--immediately before the Protein Highball demonstration
That sounds incredible!
Yes, I just finished doing the full version on the West Coast and it met with rave reviews. I'm turning it into a book in the very near future.
Can you tell us anything about it? Maybe an insider scoop.
Without giving too much away, I can tell you that it will be a spiritual guide as well as a leadership guide for shoeducators like myself. I'll draw from my own experiences as well as the experiences of the 1435 women who were involved in my dissertation research. I wouldn't be surprised if it wins a hell of a lot of awards. My mother is convinced I'll be a local hero--if nothing else. I come from a very shoe-obsessed hometown.
Sounds like I will have to buy that book!
Yes you will! And I want to be sure to tell all your listeners that all the proceeds from my book will go to Shoenation.
Shoenation? Please, Professor, enlighten us.
I apologize but I am in a bit of a hurry. Gerry just twittered me about some shoe and vodka issues that are happening inside. And, I have this very interesting text from someone who is asking me to come play back up on the drums. The life of a scholar-rocker like myself--- always on call! Forgive me, but I must go....
Yes, that was the infamous Professor H.....! I feel smarter already!

Oh, and comes that photoholic girl from Dormont!

Debbie! Wow! I can't believe I'm finally meeting you!
You do not look like a grandmother!!!
Well, I am! And, I have the most beautiful grandbaby on the planet!
Your hat is just wonderful!
Yes, my talented son Andy suggested I wear this for this special occasion
So, tell me, what are your plans for tonight?
I'm going to drink a lot
Well, this is the place to be!
I sure hope so. I'm very thirsty
Do you have any other plans for tonight?
I brought along my Barbies
Wow! Sounds like a fun night is in store for you!
Oh and I might screw Bruce Springsteen--if he's lucky
Very cool.
Yeah, you can take the girl out of Dormont but you can't take Dormont out of the girl.
Have fun Debbie!
There better be basil, strawberries and lemonade and vodka at this party!

Sounds like Debbie is planning a good time tonight!

Oh my....who is that running up the carpet? Is that Sue from Ohio????
Yep, that's Buckeye Sue with her famous cheery bucket hat! Wow! I am so excited to see her here!
Hey Sue! Love that hat!
I made it for my little Josie!
She let you wear it? What a sweetie!
Well, when she heard about this party, she made me wear it!
Smart girl! Any special plans for tonight?
It's hard to say! I might try to make it to the pastie making workshop.
Oh, that sounds very interesting
Yes, I enjoy crafts! And, I've always wanted pasties.
Well, then, you came to the right place!
I sure hope so! I mean, I traveled all the way from Ohio.....!

Oh boy folks....we certainly have a fab crowd of stars here tonight! What a night! From all the hooping and hollering and singing I am hearing from inside the Judiland Party Palace, I just know this is the place to be.....! Now, all we are missing is Judi. I wonder where she is.....

Psssst.....over here....

this party is for you....thanks for these 2 years and these 100 pounds....
I couldn't have done it without you.
Party on!


Anonymous said...

omg that was hysterical!! thanks for the laughs!! you did a good job!!
and love the 2 year anniversay pic of you at the beach!! WOO HOO!! you look great!! one sexy mama!!

Jill from NY

Anonymous said...

Wow, what a party! I hope I can get out of bed today... Stevie and I jammed for hours... and we hope you loved every minute of it!!!

Congratulations on your milestones!

Prof H

Eileen, Founder, Organizer, Mayor and Chief Cook And Bottle Washer of the Anger Management Girls. said...

HA!!!! You are hysterical.

What a party!
(Psst. For the record,I think there is definitely something wrong with you, you're a nut, but you can sure throw a party!)

Gerry said...

...what a fabulous party! My hears are still ringing from Bruce!

Jody V said...

Happy Bandiversary Judi!! What a party! Some folks are party goers but you are definitely a party thrower!!


Anonymous said...

Thanks for the invite! The protein vodka was delish and went down smoothly. The music rocked and I have aching feet to prove it. Awesome party Judi!


buckeyesue said...

Oh, wow, Judi, I am so glad that I made it just in the nick of time to your Bandiversary Gala! I ran all the way from Ohio to Pennsylvania!
I was almost late!

I am so glad that I made it to your party and what a celebration it is!

You have worked very hard to get where you are and you look fabulous!