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Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Results not typical.......

who in the hell says so?


Isn't it funny when you see a full page ad in a major magazine for a weight loss product (that you know cost a gadzillion dollars) with a before and after picture of someone who lost a pile of weight with all kinds of text describing the secret ingredients that just guarantee weight loss and there's glowing "you saved my life" and "I can wear a bikini for the first time since I was 10" testimonials from Joan G. from Texas and Mary L. from Minnesota...and then in the tiny print...it says results not typical......

Yeah, I find that funny too.
But, let me tell you.....for years, I would look at those ads and consider buying whatever they were selling.
Okay, okay....I admit it.....some of them I did buy.
I was never once stopped by the fine print.
I was sure they weren't talking about me when they said results not typical.
I was going to be the next before and after spokesperson on that page.....
I had no doubt about it.
That is why I have always said that dieting was a very optimistic activity for me.
I was absolutely, positive, without a doubt, sure that I was going lose 25 pounds in one month with this diet.
I felt the same way about the next diet.
And, the next one.
It was only when I felt hopeless that I stopped dieting.
Until I heard about another dieting breakthrough.
Then, I got optimistic again.
In fact, I could be the ultimate source of diet info the world over.
Should you care--I'll tell you 2 things from my treasure trove of dieting experiences--Weight Watchers is the best program and I love phentramine (street name: speed).
Weight Watchers produced results sensibly and phentramine helped me to multi-task, forgo sleep, and have a constant source of energy.
Although they both had their advantages and I managed to ace both losing weight and cleaning the kitchen at 3 am when I combined the two, I wasn't able to maintain the loss and the lifestyle.
Weighing, measuring and doing mathematics morning, noon and night while I was strung out on speed didn't really go so well after awhile....

Just thought I'd share that.
But, your results may vary....

So, what got me to thinking about this?
It all started the other night while visiting my dear friend Patty to work on her Thanksgiving mantle decor and tablescape. She is entertaining her huge family plus many out of town guests for the holiday and she wants everything to be perfectly beautiful. That's just the way she is. And, trust me--if Patty wants it to be perfectly beautiful, it will be. But, she lacks the confidence to put the finishing touches on her decor. Although I beg to differ---her house is absolutely lovely---she panics at the mere thought of holiday decorating. That's where I come in. I love to decorate for holidays and for some reason--it all comes very easy to me. Being the true friend that I am--I trudged over there on a work night, armed with my staple gun, my glue gun, a bag full of decorations and my tool box--and we got to work. As I was moving things around and pulling candle holders out of her kitchen cabinets, I knocked over a box of SENSA.
It's the weight loss system that helps you lose weight without dieting.
At least that's what the box said.
A diet program I did not know anything about.....well....whattayaknow!
Hmmm.......
I could feel my heart racing.....
My dieting girl behavior was kicking in.
So, I raced to the other end of the house where Patty was unloading yet another tub of decorations and I held up the box of SENSA.
What's this? I asked.
Her face turned red.
SENSA she said sheepishly.
She acted as though she had just been found out.
The guilt was all over her face.
No, I mean, what is it? I exclaimed--letting her know that I wanted to know what it was not that I was going to scold her for buying or using some new diet product.
She went on to explain that it's a powder that you sprinkle over your food--there are shakers for sweet foods and salty foods.
The funny thing is that Patty does not need to lose a lot of weight.
But, like everyone I seem to know---it would be great to lose a little.

Everyone loses quite a bit of weight without dieting, she said triumphantly.
Really? I never heard of it, I said, intently reading the box.
You don't need magic dust! You got your band! she laughed, taking the box, opening it and showing me everything that was inside.....for only $99.99 for a 3 month supply.
Some people have lost 30 pounds in one month with this, she told me.
Wow, I wonder what it is! I gasped
Well, it is something natural, she said confidently....adding....I just want to lose 10 pounds before the holidays so this should work. They said that 30 pounds are not the typical results. So I am sure I can lose ten with no problem just shaking the dust on my food!
We laughed at the absurdity of it but steadfast in our belief that this product could do the trick.

By the time I left, Patty's house with glowing with autumn splendor and Patty was basking in the promise of her SENSA results....

3 comments:

Jody V said...

Judi -

YOu made me laugh with the Weight Watchers and speed comment. Best days of my life!!

Jody

amandakiska said...

I was reading an ad just this morning for some diet or another and noticed the results not typical line. I'm so glad I'm done with all that craziness!

But I still want to hear if the SENSA works.

Gen said...

Somehow I missed out on the Speed days, but I am the Poster Girl for "typical" results: weight that comes back 10 times faster than it came off! That is what they really should be telling everyone!