Wednesday, December 9, 2009
Am I sure this is FOR REAL?
another question to ponder......along with is there really a Santa Claus?
The other night, as my sister, her friend and I sat a little Mexican cantina sipping some damn good margaritas, the subject of my weight loss surgery came up. Doesn't the topic of weight--in some form or another-- always come up when a few women get together?
Well, at least with the women I know....
In any case, it seems like everyone knows somebody who has had weight loss surgery. And there's always a story to tell. Typically, I'm the one telling the stories. But, on this particular night, I was listening to them. The story (or more accurately...the stories) revolved around women who had weight loss surgery, lost a great deal of weight and then gained it all back....and then some. Sad, sad stories. After story number two--I needed another margarita. Extra calories--yes. But, mostly, I needed # 2 to beat down my fears.
Will I soon be one of those women in the stories that other women casually talk about as they sip margaritas?
I mean, it's not like I've never been down this road before. No, no, not sitting on a bar stool drinking margaritas. I've been the girl who lost a great deal of weight and without even realizing it, put it all back on....and then some. We all know the dieting drill....we lose the weight and gain it back only to lose it again and gain it back again, again and again. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. It's the curse of the lifelong dieting lifestyle. The life sentence that comes with food love and fat genes. The battle of the bulge. The albatross of obesity. The end result of yo-yo dieting, gaining and losing, over eating, restricting food and always seeking that magic bullet to end the sufferage. I am astutely aware that losing weight is the easy part.....keeping it off is the hard part. Which means that I am doing the hard part. Perhaps that's why I needed margarita #3....with extra salt, please.
Just like those onion rings that have been stuck in my brain since Monday--I haven't been able to stop thinking about gaining back the weight. Part of me thinks it's absurd to even worry about it. Yet, another part of me--with all of my collective wisdom--thinks that maybe right now I am living in la-la land where I am wearing a Size 10 petite (sometimes even a size 8) and that soon I'll be crawling back into those Size 12s and calling Jody with a Size 14 emergency soon after that. Only to be followed by returning to the plus size stores I haven't shopped in since way back when....thus once again revitalizing their business!
Does the fear of being fat ever really go away?
Or, is it a real fear that I need to seriously work hard not to realize?
I mean, I can't imagine--with the small amount of food that I can eat that I could somehow gain it all back.....and then some.
But, will that change over time?
Is my weight loss real?
And what about Santa Claus?