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Tuesday, February 24, 2015

Dear Winter,

You have my permission to go now.   You are making me very cranky.  At least I hope it's YOU that's making me so cranky and not the gazillion other things that could possibly be making me a cranky girl.  
Because lately, I am becoming a girl I don't even know....
Yes, it's another cold day in the hell that is winter!

One of the many upsides of doing a blog for a long as I have is that I have a diary of what I was  thinking, what I was feeling, what I was doing and even how I looked day-by-day, week-by-week, month-by-month and year-by-year. 
Every so often, I take myself back to check on my past.  Sometimes it helps me to see that I really have come a long way and other times, it reminds me of past situations that may help me deal with something in the moment or something in the future.  Then, there's other times that I realize that as much as I think I've overcome something--it's still with me....reminding me that I just need to fight my way towards finally overcoming it or telling myself that it's okay that I haven't been able to do it!
Last night, as I was pondering my blog post for today, I was consumed by a feeling of dejavu.
I wanted to yell and scream at winter and kick my feet and pound my fists and share my weariness and  felt very familiar to me.  Like I had said it all before. 
Why was it so familiar?  Do I do that often?  Aren't I just a sunny, optimistic, happy person?
That's what brought me to check on my past blog posts.
I started with all the Februarys over the years.
Evidently, I bitch and moan my way through February all of the time.
Oh, my poor blog readers....having to put up with me!
Funny thing was that I didn't even recognize ME.
Although I am very sure that I wrote all of those bitching and moaning posts, I was shocked that I felt that way so often in almost. every. damn. day.   
Who would want to hang out with me?  
Who would find any kind of enjoyment from reading my blog?
Tinged with sadness but hoping it was just a February-thing with me, I decided to check on a few other random months in the past to see if my bitching and moaning was much less.
Although I am happy to report that on a bitching and moaning scale, February did seem to take the honors.  Shockingly, however....there are other months that aren't too far behind.
Every month seemed to fall victim to at least one, two or maybe ten bitching and moaning posts. 
Give me a holiday or a season or an issue or just a damn day and I bitch and moan.
It just goes to show you, it's always something...if it ain't one thing, it's another.... (I say in my best Roseanne Roseannadanna voice).
Perhaps bitching and moaning women are more funny than ones who gush about the beauty and wonderfulness that is their lives....??
If that's so, I'll bet my dear blog readers just howled laughing their way through all those Februarys.....
Should I apologize that I want/need to bitch and moan today and go into a blog rant about winter and how exhausted I am and how overwhelmed I am and how I hate my hair?
Or, should I just end it right here and thank you for your time?
You pick.....I'm too cranky to think right now........


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