Stories from the road.......: Scenes from life at a normal weight......

A visit to Old St. Patrick's on a beautiful Saturday!

I know that I probably sound like a broken record when I go on and on about my Lap Band love.
But, when I tell you that it changed my life.......it really did change my life.
When I think back to the years that I suffered through obesity, sometimes I find myself close to tears at the thought I could have lived my life that way....forever.
It wouldn't have been a bad life. I would have still had people to love and people who loved me.
And, my heart and my soul would always be my heart and soul. And, I am sure I would have still been happy and relatively content and able to enjoy my blessings.....
But, those other things....the things that make me smile, those things that put the icing on the cake of life....those are things that I would have missed.
Things I would have missed that I wouldn't have even known that I was missing....
Take for instance this past weekend....
As I told you, I have been staying with my father while my sister has been away. In addition, Carmen's work and travel schedule has been intense--giving us little time (if any) to reconnect or enjoy each other's company. Plus, both of us were experiencing a high level of stress--with work, traffic, travel and the regular everyday obligations, we were very very cranky. It felt like last week was the real week from hell. So, when a last minute opportunity to flee the confines of our schedules became available this past Saturday, we went into lightning speed mode and decided to make a day of it. Although we would have loved to escape to a little B&B or fly away to a little secluded beach--with only 24 hours at our disposal....that wasn't going to happen. And, with little time to do much planning, we had to figure it out quickly. Thankfully, we love our city and had been wanting to try lunch at a highly applauded little restaurant tucked in Market Square. And, we are always up for a trip to The Strip District.....where Carmen can have his favorite Bloody Mary in the city, we can visit with some of our friends at Bella Notte (and I can have their wonderful Tequila Sunrise for breakfast) and chat with those special folks at Enrico Biscotti (their sweet polenta cakes are to die for!) then we can peruse the little markets for cheeses and spices and other wonderful treats that we can't find anywhere else.
So, when I tell you that we had to pull ourselves together quickly---believe it!-- we had less than an hour to get dressed and get the hell on the road if we were going to take advantage of everything...before the clock struck midnight! And, since we were anticipating a day of lots of walking on a sunny summer day---we had to make sure we were dressed for it! And, of course, I had to make sure I was not only comfy but stylish. Trust me, if this had happened 7 years ago.....this day would have not happened. Why? Because I would have been miserable....not having enough time to plan for an outfit that fit, knowing that my feet and legs and knees would be killing me if I was going to do all of that walking and last but not least--I would have not had the energy or the desire to be out in the heat for an entire day of walking....
The fact that this day DID HAPPEN on my 6th Bandiversary was bittersweet. So, in thanksgiving, I decided to make a special pilgrimage to one of my favorite old churches--Old St. Patrick's (the link about this church is above, under the picture of me there). The grounds and the church is very comforting and inspirational. As an Irish Pittsburgh Catholic, I find a special peace and pride at this particular church and I take great joy in doing the Holy Stairs.....

But, I wasn't always able to do these stairs!

Interestingly, the very first time I went to St. Patrick's to do the stairs, I was a much thinner young woman--able to get up those stairs on my knees with no problem. Then, when I returned many years later, I was in the throes of obesity---the voyage up those stairs was difficult and painful. Although part of the reason for ascending the stairs on your knees is to evoke some discomfort to remind us of Christ's suffering, that particular discomfort was heartbreaking for me....and embarrassing. My girlfriend and I went there during Holy Week that year when there were hundreds of other Catholics doing those steps---people of all ages. It was clear to me....and many others....that I was too fat to be ascending the steps on my knees. I was holding up the line and I am sure I did not look the least bit attractive.....
And, so, I never returned to do those steps.
Until this past Saturday.
On my 6th Bandiversary.
My thankfulness for my beloved Lapband went to a brand new level....

Losing the weight not only lifted the burden of those pounds on my body but it also lifted the burden of the weight that was crushing my spirit and taking away the things that I could only dream about.
Call it silly and very shallow but I love all things fashion and I getting dressed up and putting on hats and shoes and make up and jewelry. I love little trips on the spur of the moment and doing nights on the town and hanging with my friends and having date nights and doing mother-daughter days out and visiting little towns and experiencing restaurants and going to little out-of -the-way places with my son and celebrating life in big and small ways and entertaining friends and family just because..........
Being able to do those things gives my life the joy that I craved. Having the confidence to go out and enjoy things without worrying about how I looked or what other people thought, knowing that I am not embarrassing my children or my husband by the fact that I suffering from poor self esteem and obesity and being able to go into my closet and find something to wear (and fits!) at a moment's notice.....priceless.

And, being able to climb the Old St. Patrick's Stairs on my knees as part of my own spiritual journey.....absolutely beautiful...