When will it all end?

There's always some reason to eat.
If it's not Thanksgiving, it's Christmas then it's New Years, then it's birthday time then it's the Super Bowl then it's Valentine's Day then it's St. Patrick's Day then it's Easter then it's Royal Wedding Day then it's one of my bff's 50th birthday party.....not to mention all the random Sundays, Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays, Thursdays, Fridays and Saturdays!

It's another big event Saturday here in Judiland.
My friend Patty is throwing herself a bigtime 50th birthday party--complete with a cross dressing fortune teller.
So what that means is that in addition to my usual Saturday duties today, I am in charge of one of the most ginormus antipasta trays in the land.
When I say ginormus, I mean so-big-it-might-not-get-through-the-door-ginormus.
What this means is that I have an entire fridge filled to the brim with every kind of meat, cheese, olive, veggie and dip imaginable.
So, I'll be chopping and slicing and arranging and putting it all together.....all day long.
I've got my fingers crossed that I can do all of this without making it a day long meal for myself.


Off to slice and dice....

I'm invited.....weren't you?

I haven't been up this early for a wedding since the last Royal Wedding (Chuck and Di).
So, I'm sure you will give me a royal pardon when I tell that I have no time to blog.
I am making myself a spot of tea and then putting on my tiara for the big doings across the pond.
After that, I am headed to a very Royal Reception with all of my fabulous coworkers.

What is it about Princes and Princesses falling in love and getting married that make us act just a wee bit daffy?

Overheard while having my toes TROPICAL PUNCHED.....

Last night was the perfect night to have a pedicure.
Between a few narly early morning scheduling moments, some annoying office wrangling and wearing a pair of cute but uncomfortable shoes all day, I couldn't think of a better way to usher out the day.
And, if truth be told--I knew full well that if I did spend my night lounging at home, I'd be having a very drawn-out dinner that consisted of peanut butter eggs, malted milk eggs, jelly beans, Lindor truffles and marshmallow peeps with a side of coconut cream pie.
Yes, it's true.
Plus, I had another reason--one that was much more practical-- I wanted to be sure to have pretty feet for the big Royal Wedding Day celebration.
One must always have a good pedicure while wearing fine millinery.
So, I rounded up my newly minted 50-year-old girlfriend and we headed to the local spa joint for a little foot action.

As we lounged and chatted and sipped a lovely little Albariño as our feet soaked off the rigors of our lives, two much older women soaked and gossiped in the chairs next to us.

Woman #1: What's going on with your son's situation?
Woman #2: He definitely has to leave her.
Woman #1: Is she still running around on him?
Woman #2: Why else would she have had that surgery to lose all that weight?
Woman #1: Does she at least look good?
Woman #2: I am sure she thinks so!
Woman # 1: Does he know who she is running around with?
Woman #2: No clue.
Woman #1: Does he know for sure?
Woman #2: He might not know for sure but I do.
Woman #1: Have you seen her with someone?
Woman #2: No, but she's been shopping for clothes and dressing differently. That's how I know for sure!
Woman #1: Really?
Woman #2: Listen, ever since she had that band thing put on her stomach, she's been shopping at Chico's!
Woman #1: Oooooh......

So, there you have it folks....
Getting a Lapband, losing weight and shopping at Chico's.
A sure sign that a woman is cheating on her husband.


P.S.--sorry for the unconventional timing of this post. I typed it all up but then blogger was very uncooperative this morning during my usual blogging time....

Let me say this ONE MORE TIME.......

Yes, I would do it all over again.


And, may I add the following.....

I just wish I would have done it sooner.

So, if YOU are thinking about it and want to know my opinion.
I say.....do it now.
Don't wait.


Yes, I'm talking about my Lapband.

Blogging to be better........

That has always been my intent.
I started this blog as a way to keep me focused and committed to my Lapband journey.
I hadn't planned on blogging forever.....just a little while.
I wanted to be a better Lapbander.
I decided to engage my passion for words and writing and connecting in order to do that.
Better. Stronger. Better.

Then, it happened.....my blog became as much a part of my journey as the Lapband itself.
And, here I sit.....3 years and 9 months later.....my blog is still alive and well.
It's a part of me.
Like my arm and my leg.
Like my Lapband.
I even bought myself the cutest little red Lenovo ideapad laptop so I can easily blog anywhere.
At Starbucks....over a chai.
At DeBlasio's.....over a martini.
On the front porch.
On the deck.
Perched on my kitchen stool.
While I watch Sex and the City reruns and Food Network.
As I sit with my dad through another episode of Walker: Texas Ranger.
In the car.
Anywhere.
And everywhere.

I am in love.
So much so that I want to be better.
Not just a better blogger.
Just better.

As expected, I've been amassing a little wardrobe of covers so that my ideapad always looks fashionable.
It's just so cute and darling and perky.
Never in a million years would I imagine that I....of all people...would call a computer darling and perky and cute and gush over fabric to dress it up and feel compelled to be better....just because of it.
Yes, I admit it....I even had a cover custom made for it.....leopard print with red roses.
Makes complete sense.....doesn't it? I mean, I couldn't find a ready-made one!

Like all good things....my ideapad makes me want to be better.
My blog inspires to be better.
My desire is to live up to them both.
And, to be better.

FOOD--the most powerful body and mind altering drug.....

Why didn't I blog this morning?
Because I was hungover.
Yes, friends, I had an Easter hangover.
Little malted milk eggs, peanut butter eggs, Lindor truffles.....and.....then, the grandbunny of them all.....THIS....

The worlds' most amazing coconut cream pie.

It took me over the edge.
Waaaaay over the edge.
I tossed and turned all night long.
I could feel the sugar and coconut and the cream beating up the inside of my body and mingling with the chocolates--churning and churning.
My head ached this morning.
My mind was foggy.
My limbs were shakey.

I am still recovering......almost 24 hours after the coconut cream pie eating episode.

NEVER AGAIN. NEVER AGAIN.

Food.....the body's worse nightmare!
I know it.
So, why do I do it?





I'm heading into detox....right.now.
I hope they let me watch Sex and The City reruns there.....

EAT, PRAY, LOVE.......

(heading out to my sister's for our Easter Eve celebration)

Happy Easter!

Step away from the jelly beans.....

Good....it's FRIDAY....

There's a new DIET in town.....

I got butterflies in my belly and my heart was racing and there were sweat beads forming on the back of my neck and I was *this* close to swooning.....

CATCH ME! CATCH ME! CATCH ME before I fall madly and hopelessly......
into a state of diet orgasmia...

Yes, I know, I have vowed off diets.
OLD HABITS DIE HARD.
Sometimes us girls like the bad boys.....no matter how much they hurt us.

As all life long dieters know, it's tough to shake your dieting habits.
Especially when a brand spanking new diet comes along.
With all of it's charm and promises and swagger......it's so hard to resist.
The other morning when I heard an early morning news promo about a diet that had been sweeping Europe--that had helped the new princess-to-be shed so much weight--was coming to the United States, well.....I almost tripped over my pile to shoes to get to the TV to turn up the volume.
In between blow drying my hair and curling my eyelashes, I intently listened.
Luckily I didn't set my hair on fire or rip the eye lashes right off of my eye lids.
The excitement in my body was just too much to bear.

And, there he was--Dr.Dukan.
With his French accent and intent eyes.
He had me at lose weight quickly.
All I needed to do was eat lean protein and a few veggies and eat a certain kind of oat bran and walla......these bad ass visiting pounds would melt away.
I found myself getting ready to sin.
I plotted. I devised the ways. I made a plan.
First, I had to buy the book. But, I wouldn't tell anyone....because I don't diet.
Then, I had to find this oat bran.
But, I couldn't ask anyone where to find it.....because I don't diet.
I would hide my little indescretion. I would keep it all to myself.
I wouldn't even tell you....my blogging friends and dieting brethren.
I'd sneak around and come up with stories to cover my lurid ways.
I'd cuddle up with the book in my bed while no one was home.
I'd tuck it under my bed with the dust bunnies and the wayward shoes.
I'd lock up my oat bran and hide the key in my bosom.
I'd eat my lean protein behind closed doors and in darkened alleys and back seats of cars.
No one would have to know.....no one.
Not even you.

Then I remembered.....it's HOLY WEEK.
I have to go to CONFESSION on Saturday.
I just can't add any more sins to the list that I already have to report on.
I can't be in that confessional all day. A girl has gotta go shopping.
Sometimes being Catholic spoils all the fun.

Back to our regularly scheduled life......

for at least another 24 hours.
Then, it's time to do the Bunny Hop.
Yes, Judiland will be hopping come tomorrow morning.
Making a little trip to college land and back to get Toni home for the holiday weekend.
Then, it's all about shopping and cooking and cooking and shopping.
But, before we do any of that, I thought I'd share two very special Italian Easter traditions with you.
I wanted to make sure I shared these with you early enough in the week so you have time to put the ingredients on your shopping lists and make way for them on your Easter table!
If you so desire....

Here's a special Easter gift from my Nana and my mother and me.....
Making these "pizza pies" has become as much of a tradition as serving and eating them!!
I pull out my mother's ragged handwritten recipe cards, put on her pearl earrings and cook away.....sometimes a few tears fall in the bowls.
But, I think a daughter's tears as she thinks of her mother make these recipes taste even better....

Pizza Rustica

You can use any pie or pizza dough for the crust like I do, but if you prefer to make it from scratch....here's the recipe that's on my mother's old tattered recipe card

CRUST:

5 1/2 cups flour
1/4 lb. butter
2 teaspoons baking powder
2 eggs, well beaten
1 1/2 teaspoons salt
1 1/4 cup warm water

FILLING:

1/4 pound of hot Italian sausage....cooked and drained

1 pepperoni, sliced thin
6 hard boiled eggs, sliced
1/4 lb. piece salami, cut in strips
1/4 lb. piece provolone, diced, 1/4 piece of mozarella, diced
1/4 lb. prosciutto, crumbled
1 lb. ricotta cheese

1/2 cup grated romano cheese

handful of parsley

To prepare the dough, blend the flour, baking powder and salt in a large bowl. Work in the butter with a fork until the flour resembles coarse meal. Stir in the eggs and water gradually with a fork.

When just mixed, cover with foil and refrigerate for 4 hours.

Bring to room temperature and divide dough in half. On a lightly floured board, roll out half the dough to 1/8 inch thickness and 14 inches around. Place in a greased 12-inch pie plate.

Add the filling in the layers as follows: sliced eggs, sausage, ricotta, provolone, salami, 3 sliced eggs, grated cheese, pepperoni, prosciutto, 3 sliced eggs.

Roll out the remaining dough and cover pie. Seal around with a fork. Use a knife or scissors to cut off excess. Glaze with egg yolk and prick a few holes on top. Bake at 350 degrees for 50 minutes or until golden brown. Serve slightly chilled.

Sweet Easter Pizza

Filling

• 1 pound ricotta cheese
• 3 eggs
• 1 Tbs grated orange peel
• 1/2 cup sugar
• 1 1/2 tsp flour
• 1 tsp ground cinnamon
• 1/8 tsp ground nutmeg
• 1/4 cup candied marachino cherries-chopped
  
1/4 cup of chocolate shavings

Filling

1. In a large mixing bowl combine the ingredients.
2. Chill well.
3. Place it into a already prepared pie crust
4. Sprinkle chocolate shavings on top
5. Bake on 350 for 45-50 minutes
   

Just takin' a quick time out......

celebrating 29 years of in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health, for richer for poorer till death do us part........

It seemed like a good idea......

at the time.


I thought I was climbing my way out of my dreaded stomach virus.
I was feeling well enough to move from the bed to the couch.
By way of the bathroom....of course.
My head was still pounding but I could actually walk without the assistance of the wall.
So, late in the afternoon, I made myself a comfy little bed on the couch, figuring I'd spend the next few hours watching HBO on demand.
Nothing like hanging out with my Sex and The City girlfriends and my mobster buddies, The Sopranos, to lift my spirits and start those get-well vibes flowing.
Clearly, I underestimated the power they have over me.
Before I knew it, I was starting to feel like I needed a chai.
My good health was returning!
All I had to do was put on a baseball cap, some lip gloss and dark shades and I would slink out of the house and go to the Starbuck's drive through.
Sounded like a perfect plan.

Girlfriends and mobsters sometimes make me do things that aren't always good for me.

Never let anyone tell you that a chai latte should be the very first thing you consume after hours and hours and hours of a stomach flu.

I just thought I'd mention it to you.
In case you ever need that advice.
You can thank me later.

TGIF....

Okay.....I take it back....

I really didn't mean to agitate my guests (aka unwanted pounds) so much so that they
decided to clean me out.....
Seems like I made them awfully angry.
I guess my unhospitable ways and my not-so-nice blog posting yesterday sent them into bit of a tizzy.
A stomach tizzy......

Yes, I got a nasty case of the stomach flu.....
Good bye extra pound guests.
Hello black and white bathroom.....

Pesky pound guests!!!!

HIT THE ROAD!


It's no secret that I'm messin' with a few pounds here.
That in itself is pissing me off.
I mean, I'm not as outraged as I was when I was messin' with 25 pounds, 50 pounds or 100 pounds.
But, I'm definitely not thrilled with gaining a few pounds.
Now I've got a new problem.
These pounds have decided to go where they want.
They've decided that they are in charge of where they will reside.
Seriously.....if these pounds are planning on being guests, you would think they would have some manners and make themselves useful or something.
Go to my boobs or maybe fill in somewhere not quite as obvious.
All of a sudden....even though the scale is not climbing any further (thankfully!), those miserable pounds have decided to make themselves well known.
They are putting themselves front and center.
They want to be the center of attention.
BAD GUEST BEHAVIOR. Ask Miss Manners or Dear Abby....
The past week or so, I can feel my visiting pounds lounging on my mid section.
And my belly.
Those pounds know me well enough to know that I'm not going to do sit ups or targetted exercise to make them go away.
They know that I won't work them too hard or over exert them.
They are taking advantage of my dislike of exercise!
I'll show those pounds a thing or two.
I won't take this sitting down.
No. No. No.

No, I'm not going to start a sit up regimen.
That's not my style.

I'm more of a let's try to figure this out with the least amount of pain kind of girl.
I'd rather exercise my brain than my abs.
So.....
I have examined by behavior and I realize that I have enabled those pounds to do this.
I am a pound enabler.
You see, when I reflect back on what may have caused this entire problem, I've come to realize that lately I've been grocery shopping and cooking and ordering food with the question of what can I get past my band?
In other words, I've not allowing my band to work for me.
I've been trying to see what I can get away with.
Now we know.
I can't get away with nothing.
Sooner or later, it will catch up with me.
Those pounds will make me stand up and take notice if I ignore them to too long.
First, they appeared on the scale.
Then, they wedged themselves in between me a pair of size 6p pants that fit me November.
When I didn't get the message.....they decided to pull out the big guns.
A muffin top and a pot belly.

Thankfully, I have ammunition that doesn't involve sweating or groaning or carving out any special time in my day---my Lapband!
I have to return to the banded lifestyle of eating regular food and stopping when my band tells me I have had enough.
I have to stop working so hard at trying to figure out what I can eat easily.
Good bye loaded mashed potatoes and coconut cream pie.
Hello what's on the menu?

Visions of Macaroni and Cheese danced in my head......

What did you dream about?


This morning, I can't stop thinking about macaroni and cheese.
Because that's what I dreamed about all night long.
Macaroni and cheese. Macaroni and cheese. Macaroni and cheese.

I blame it completely on Guy Fieri.
That's what I get for having a Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives marathon last night.

I watched Sex and the City and Golden Girls reruns too.
Why couldn't I dream about wearing Manolo Blahniks while having mutiple orgasms or retiring to Florida and spending my days lounging on my lanai?
No, I dream about macaroni and cheese and wake up craving it.

Once again, I give thanks to my Lapband.
Without it, I would have to cancel my entire day so that I can stay home and eat macaroni and cheese.
My craving is that bad.

Do you think dreams have a meaning?
If so....what do you think it means when you dream of Macaroni and cheese?

Mondays are just not fair.
If we have to face Mondays then I firmly believe that we should ease into them.
Get up a little later.
Lounge around.
Take our time getting dressed.
Get into work in time for lunch.
Catch up with everyone about their weekends.
Take a little walk, grab a chai.
Spend a little time making a to-do list.
End of work day.
Get a pedicure.
Have a glass of wine.
Go home and read magazines all night.

I just think too much is expected of us on Mondays.
Don't you?

Thank goodness I'm not expected to start a diet on Mondays anymore.....

Hamming it up........

With Easter just around the corner, many of our thoughts are turning to Ham.
Well, at least here in Judiland they are....

I'm also thinking about chocolate eggs and chocolate bunnies and malted milk eggs and peanutbutter meltaways and marshmallow peeps and fancy jelly beans and the most amazing coconut cream pie in all the land.......

OH MY!!! I think I just gained 3 pounds thinking about it all...

Anywaaaay.....before I get too ahead of myself here, let's talk about what I came here to talk about today--HAM.

In most cases, I've found that ham is one of those things you either love or hate.
We live in a divided house---we have 2 ham lovers, one ham hater and then there's me....the one who cooks the ham.....I am a ham convert.
For years, ham was never the centerpiece of any holiday meal in my heart.
Sure, I'd eat it but I only ate it because it was there. (like I did everything else!)
That was until my longtime friend Debbie introduced me to THIS HAM RECIPE....
Let me tell you, friends.....this is one heavenly ham recipe.
The glaze itself turns any ham into the star of your holiday.
And, I am not lying to you here....
Last Easter, I bought a Sam's brand spiral sliced ham and used this recipe in place of the packet that comes with the ham. Spectacular.
Over the summer, I picked up just a store brand ham and used this recipe and whoa baby...Delish!
Over the holidays, I bought a spiral ham at Aldi's, used this recipe and once again....FABULOUS!
I make extra glaze to serve along side of the ham....SCRUMPTIOUS!

This year, we are not hosting Easter.
It's my sister's turn.
Although I'm hoping she will ask for the recipe, I am not going to force her.
I might strong arm her a bit since she is my little sister.

Just in case we won't be getting this ham for Easter, I am going to pick up everything I need today so I can make it next weekend.
Vince will be in town for an alumni event and will make a quick visit home to hang out with us for a few hours. And, my boy loves ham.

Ooooh, I can smell it cooking now!

Go Nuts!!!!

It's good for you!

Yes, it's Friday.
By the time we get to this point in the week, many of us feel like we are about to go nuts.
Instead of going nuts....why don't you just pull that little bowl of nuts that's sitting at the bar closer to you as you sip your wine at Happy Hour.
Pop those nuts in your mouth, drink that wine and chat with your friends!
Wine. Nuts. Friends.
They are all important to living healthy and slowing down the aging process.
See.....you don't need colonics and botox!
All you need is wine nut friends.
That's the kind of breaking news I like to hear on a Friday!

Chicken, artichokes, lemon, spinach, wine and cheese....OH MY!!!!

That's what I cooked in the middle of the night......what did you cook?
Let's hope you didn't cook.....


This Restless Leg Syndrome might be my path to the fame I always dreamed of.
How about this.....my Food Network show.....

The Restless Chef

Can't sleep?
Get outta bed and cook in your jammies with Judi!
No grocery shopping required!
Use only those ingredients you have in your kitchen!
Your house will smell amazing in the morning!
You will be exhausted but your freezer will be stockpiled
with innovative concoctions!

This Restless Leg thing is truly problematic.
I know, I know, it's all I've been talking about for days.
I apologize but it is what has been running my life....
I cannot get comfortable. I cannot sleep. Nothing is working.
I can be so impatient...
Although the discomfort has been going on for awhile, its becoming a bit more pronounced.
I'm not sure if I was more tolerant of it when I thought the nightly leg aches were a result of wearing heels or I was able to put up with them better when I figured they might have been the pains associated with aging.
But, seriously......
Now that I've self-diagnosed it as RLS and I know that the best way to relieve the ache is to move around....I'm putting off going to bed for fear I won't fall asleep and when I finally do climb into bed and then find myself frustrated with not being able to sleep--I just bounce out of bed.
Sure, I could go and clean out a closet or scrub the baseboards or kill dust bunnies.
But, those activities do not soothe my soul.
Cooking does.
So, I just head down into the kitchen and start looking for inspiration.
I mean, I can't go grocery shopping at 2 am in my jammies.....even though they are some very pretty jammies...

Here's the basic recipe.....I can't really tell you exact amounts because I was being very creative....

Judi's Restless Chicken with garlic, basil,
artichokes, lemon, spinach, wine, cheese and pine nuts

*I had a bag of frozen chicken tenders, 1 bag of frozen artichokes, 1/2 bag of fresh baby spinach so that's what I used
*Use a large saute pan
*Melt 1 stick of butter with 2 heaping tablespoons of minced garlic (from a jar)
* Add a twirl of olive oil
Saute the chicken (they were frozen so it took a little while....just put the lid on the saute pan)
Sprinkle liberally with pepper, a little bit of salt
When the chicken is cooked, dice into smaller pieces then return it to the saute pan add a bit of chicken stock, about 6 z of white wine (I used a Sauvignon Blanc), a handful of chopped basil.
At this point, I just cut up 2 lemons and added them to the mixture (remove them before you serve, of course)
Cook all of this together---let the flavors mingle.
Then add the artichokes and spinach. Add a little more chicken stock and wine if you have it.
Toss to coat everything well and let it cook until the spinach is pretty wilted and the artichokes are falling apart.
Add a handful of parm or romano cheese. Toss well.
Cook for a little longer.
Throw in a handful of pine nuts. Toss well.
Add more cheese if you like.

I tasted a bit of it a few minutes ago......to die for!
It would be so amazing over pasta. So amazing.
On it's own, it's still amazing.
That's just how amazing it is!

Trust me....if I did not have my Lapband, I would not be able to leave my house today.
I would sit home and eat the entire thing!


Stay tuned for another episode of The Restless Chef....

Just another day in Judiland......

5.am.: It's MARTINI TIME!!!!

Meet my secret weapon for Monday morning......

Can I say A*M*A*Z*I*N*G????

It's exactly what a girl needs for a Monday morning.
It looks so pretty in my martini glass with a splash of cranberry juice and a lime.
Who says you have to wait until 5pm for a martini?
This is the perfect 5 am martini.....

Another self-diagnosis.....I NEED GLASSES.....

TODAY!!

As the weekend winds down, I'm in need of just a little relaxation and maybe just a tad bit of fun. I'm thinking a trip to Trader Joe's, a wine-drenched lunch at a quirky yet charming and fabulous little bistro on the other side of town and then a night of movie watching.
Now, if I can just figure out a clever way to escape the duties that stand between me and my fantasy for the day, I'm almost there.

Cross your fingers blog friends because I double guarantee you, I can't take on another week if I don't get my glasses. If I'm going to be productive at all, I need something to help me see clearly....

Have a great Sunday.....

I'm a DOCTOR, who knew?

I have self diagnosed myself with restless leg syndrome.
Also known as RLS.
With the help of some of my doctor-like-me friends and my massive compilation of medical knowledge....aka Google....I have finally figured out what's been ailing me for months!
Just when I thought I had to give up wearing heels every day, I have found a cure for my sleepless nights, leg pains and misery.
Isn't it amazing what the threat of giving up cute shoes can do to a shoelover like me?

Although I've been suffering with night time leg aches and pains for many, many months, it's only recently that they have become almost intolerable.
I liken it to the pain that I suffered the time I spent 5 solid days running around DisneyWorld-- 115 pounds ago.
It was that kind of pain that sent me to my kitchen at 2 am the other morning to make eggplant parmagiano.
My legs just ache so much while I am in bed and I keep stretching them out and moving them in order to find some measure of comfort....but the comfort never comes.
The only relief I get is to move around.
So, the other night, when I just could not take it anymore-- I did what any other self-respecting in-pain woman would do at 2 am on a work night---I scoured my pantry and my freezer and my fridge to figure out what I could whip together to keep me busy.
(Cooking is often my go-to therapy of choice.)
It was either that or down the bottle of Hendrix gin.
Thankfully, I spotted the plump eggplant in the veggie bowl and had more than enough cheese to feed a large colony of Atkins dieters.
All I needed was some breadcrumbs, some olive oil and a container of frozen tomato sauce.
God must have been watching over me because I found everything within moments.
Yes, thank God.....Hendrix gin is way too valuable to waste on leg pains.
Plus, it wouldn't look too good if I showed up at work strung out on gin.

So, three hours later, I had 2 gorgeous casserole dishes of eggplant parmagiano, a sink filled with dirty dishes and sauce splattered all over my silky pink leopard jammies.
The house smelled amazing.
I was exhausted.
I had to go to work.
It was then, in my pitiful state, that I told myself--I can't do this anymore. The heels must go.

It must have been the scare that I needed.
My doctor skills kicked in, I called in the opinions of my doctor-like-me friends and I googled away.

I will now begin self-medicating.
I could not imagine a life in flat shoes.

The foolish things I did for LOVE.....

BODY LOVE, that is......

Oh those foolish things I've done in my quest for weight loss!
Thank you, dear Lapband, for saving me from a lifetime of more diet foolery!

In honor of April Fool's Day, I'm going to take a walk through my foolish diet history....


Feel free to put on your walking shoes and join me.....

Everyone has things in their closets that they don't want to talk about. Oh you know what I mean!. Besides all the poor fashion and shoe choices, there's those things that don't hang on hangers or sit in boxes that we'd really like to forget! Things like bad dates, bad choices, lousy one-liners, embarrassing one-nighters, nasty break ups, nasty hook-ups,crazy nights out, crazy mornings after, ......
Or, is that just me?
Okay, Okay....move away from the computer friends....no need for whispering....I'm not going to share all those better-left-in-the-closet things....
Maybe next April Fools Day....

Today, I'm revisiting my dieting past...the foolish things I did to lose weight....

First, let me say (as a way of redeeming myself up front!), I also did my share of not-so-foolish diets--Weight Watchers, Jenny Craig, South Beach. But, I was also lured in by quite a number of duds and cads. Diets that promised you the world but all you got was....well.....read on...

The Grapefruit Diet--yes, I lost weight. I also got ulcers all over my mouth
L.A. Weightloss--lots of cash and flash! No wonder they closed their doors!
The Cabbage Soup Diet--sure, I lost weight. I also lost a lot of gas....
Meridia--yep, I lost weight. I also lost control...
Phen/Fen--one of my favs! I lost lots of weight. I guess I also lost some brain cells.
Phen--OMG, how I loved this diet pill! I could stay up all night and go to work the next day--no problem! Yes, I lost weight. But, I never slept...
The 3 Day Diet--yep, I lost weight but I also lost 3 days.
The Zone--took me five days days to figure it out,1 day to figure out I couldn't do it and the rest of the week to figure out how much money I spent in the process.
No-Fat Diet--can you say...GIVE ME A HAMBURGER NOW?
No-Carb Diet--can you say....GIVE ME A PLATE OF PASTA NOW?
F-Plan--high fiber and high plumbing bills!
Eat Right For Your Type Diet--The premise made sense to me. The rest of it did not. My type was confused.
Macrobiotic Diet--felt like a college course that I never could understand. Not sure what it is and why I did it. All I know is the book was $9.95.
Suzanne Somers Diet--Not sure why I even considered this one and I can't tell you anything about it. Perhaps it wiped my memory clean! It must have been during my love affair with Friday night TV viewing
Hollywood Diet--the joy of juice fasting quickly turned into a horror movie!
Herbalife--running from the pushy home sales reps was all part of the plan!
Slimfast--ahh....just another gassy plan
Metabolife--sure, I lost weight but I'm still trying to forget about how badly my head itched!
Dexatrim--hiding it in my shopping cart was only part of the problem!
The Green Tea Diet--as much as I love tea...this one ain't for me. I got more exercise going to the bathroom than anything!
Stacking--it was all the rage on internet b-boards...put together some asprin, some caffeine and something else and you're good to go! Not so much. I needed glinkobiloba to ward off my confusion!
Apple Cider Vinegar Diet--not for the taste bud conscious dieter. I think I still have 2 bottles in my pantry if anyone wants to try it out.
Scarsdale Diet--the only good thing about this diet was the scandalous liasons of the doctor who invented it.
Mediteranean Diet--any diet that promotes wine made it to my list. Didn't lose any weight but the wine took away my disappointment.

Yes, I admit....I was a dieting fool!





Any diet foolery in your closet?


Note to my long-time blog readers:
No, you are not going crazy if you think you read this before!
This is the same posting I used last April Fool's Day and the April Fool's Day before that!
It still holds true today and sometimes I think it's good to revisit the past!
No, I'm not playing an April Fool's Day joke on you by reposting it!
The joke is on me--I'm running on empty this week!!!