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Sunday, June 5, 2011

This is the day the Lord has made.

Please hear my prayers......

Oh, Saint Therese of Lisieux, Patron Saint of flower growers, I pray to you. Please give me the wisdom to dig the holes deep enough. Please give me the strength to haul the dirt and the mulch. Please protect my manicure from the perils of dirt digging. And, please let it rain immediately after I've planted my final flower.
In the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit.


Oh, Saint Martha, Patron Saint of Housekeeping, I pray to you. Please give me the help that I need to clean this damn house. Please don't allow me to scream or yell or play the martyr. And, if I kill someone before the house is clean, I beg for your mercy and assistance.
Before I am unjustly arrested for the murders, please get in touch with my beloved patron saint, the saint of hopeless causes, St. Jude, as well as my extremely devout Catholic friend and extreme housecleaner extrodanaire, Patty. St. Jude will know exactly how to proceed (I've spoken to him many times about the possibility that housework may drive me to kill.) And, Patty will make sure my house is immaculate, that all of my contraband is disposed of, that the bodies are hidden and that I have an air tight alibi.
In the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit.


Oh, Saint Hunna, Patron Saint of Laundry, I pray to you. Please stop this madness.

Dear Father Bonnar,
I will be at 9 am Mass. Please let me guzzle the wine when I come up for Communion. I promise I'll behave this week. I won't wear the same pair of shoes twice.
Peace be with you.

God Bless You All this Sunday.

(my parish, St. Bernard's Catholic Church)


Jody V said...

You had me in tears on this post! Your parish is absolutely beautiful!

Anonymous said...

Your parish is beautiful. May the saints be with you! LOLOLOL